Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Evil Cake

I fucked up. Yup I fucked up last night. I ate cake. Not one but two pieces of chocolate cake. Well it was for supper so 2 pcs. is ok right? I rationalized eating the cake for supper with the Bill Cosby Theory. Cake has eggs and milk and flour and butter in it. That's 3 of the food groups, right? RIGHT? I wanted to sing dad is great, he gave us chocolate cake, in between each bite. (From a Bill Cosby stand up comedy special, when he gives the kids chocolate cake for breakfast)

Evil, moist, fucking, delicious, creamy frosting chocolate cake! I was given mis-information. My little pee brain figured that, the delicious cake would some how take away my woes, and make me feel happy and content with my life. I guess my daughter forgot the ingredient responsible for "happy life" when she baked the cake. Although I think my cabinets are out of that anyway.

All the stress of the day and I thought it could be cured with cake. It's no wonder I am over weight.

Getting in touch with re-habs is no picnic for a sober person (me) never mind if an addict were trying to find help for himself. There are long waiting lists, and lots of "I'm sorry we can not help you, try this number" phone calls. But finally....finally I have found one that may be able to help.
It's a 6 day Opiate detox. Which includes medication for withdrawals, monitoring from a medical staff and counseling. Before you leave they also set you up with an outpatient program to help keep you clean.

Why am I doing this you ask? He said "I am addicted and I need help." Never before have these words come from his mouth. It was always don't worry about it I can handle this. He was in tears yesterday, wanting help. He was scared and hopeless. Beatin down by his addiction to the point where he is exhausted by it also. I believe he is sincere (at the moment), but I am not being naive either.

And all this was BEFORE I told him I can not continue on this path with him.

I don't know where we will stand after the rehab as a couple. Time will tell. All I know is that I want him better, if not for me than at least for the kids, and of course for himself.

So-So Wednesday

(GO SOX!!)


Blogger Michelle said...

Cake is cake and MAN it must have been yummy. I eat for for comfort a lot myself and being diabetic that is sometimes a problem but I still do it. I hope that things work out for your husband and for both of you.

11:41 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

I really hope things work out for you.

I admire you. You are a strong woman for sticking around and trying to help him. I think I would have taken off running. Good luck and may God be with you!

12:45 PM  
Blogger Michael Moore said...

So so wednesday?

1)you ate cake!!!!!
2) SOX!!!!!!!!!
3)You get to legit help someone you love. THey want to change their ways!!!!!

most importantly though....

CAKE! mmm delicious!

Im so happy for you! (and we're not talking cake and baseball anymore)

2:49 PM  

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