Tuesday, October 19, 2004

The Faith is Gone

Ever felt betrayed by someone you love?

Ever felt stepped on by someone you love?

Ever been sick and tired of the situations they keep dragging you into?

Ever been disgusted with someone you love?

These are some of the feelings you go thru when a loved one has a drug problem. I am weary. Emotionally weary. I can no longer continue on this road with him. I have had enough. It saddens me greatly. My heartaches with unbelievable pain and at the same time I am numb. I don't know what to do. I have tried to help and support him through this. My strength is gone. My body, mind and soul are weak with exhaustion. I want to make it all go away for him, but I can not. I have to run. I have to save myself. I have to put my life back together.

I have to realize as long as I am there to pick up the pieces he will never pick them up himself. I have heard it said that addicts (drug or alcohol) have to hit rock bottom, before they can change. I think if the kids and I are gone that will be rock bottom for him. Maybe not. I don't know. I don't know if it is a chance I can take.

I feel like I am in a pit of quicksand, sinking more and more each minute. My fingers grasp for something solid to hold onto but there is nothing. I panic, I kick my legs but the baggage of his addiction is so heavy I do not have the strength to hang on. I have to cut myself loose. Save myself before its too late.

I am scared, he is part of me and I am part of him. How will I continue with only half of myself?

Sucky Tuesday


Blogger Cece said...

wow. my ex-husband was/probably still is a drug addict. we dont talk too much so I'm not sure anymore. we have an 8 year old son together but we've been apart since before my son was even 1 year old. i kicked him out because of his womanizing more so than his drug addiction but it was just a matter of time anyway. take heart. you arent the only one out there. there isnt half of you left, there are three more pieces left PLUS you. that will be enough. you'll see.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Black Woman said...

My ex-boyfriend is an heroin addict. Not to even suggest our situations were the same but I felt like the best way to handle it was to leave. Ask yourself: Do I love him enough to let him take me and the kids down with him? Best wishes.

2:26 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

Thank you for your thoughts CeCe and BW

4:39 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Leaving is hard I am sure. But you have to ask yourself what is best for you and the kids. He is part of you and he will always be part of your history but staying with him is not going to help you or your kids be the people you want to be. Hold on tight and do what you know is right. As my nana always says, "through strife comes strength." If it is meant to be he will clean up, sober up and become part of your life again. But until then you need to live your life not his. I know this is all so much easier said than done.

9:14 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

Thank You Michelle, I will remember your Nana's saying.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Stellina said...

Al-Anon. Grace Episcopal church on County Street. Friday night. 7pm. That's how you start to be strong inside again. I'll be there...

6:31 PM  

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