Wednesday, October 06, 2004

A Pocket Guide To Sex

What does a mother do if she finds "A pocket Guide to Sex" book in her 18 year old son's room? Why confiscate it of course.

I not only confiscated it, I am reading it! I am learning things I never knew. There are lots and lots of pictures and graphs......who knew sex was such a technical thing?

I think I will write comments in red pen as I read thru it. Comments like:

Don't rush into a sexual relationship.

I do NOT want to be a grandmother.

Son's GF, does your mother know about this?

This better not be going in my house.

Protection is important.

Shouldn't you be playing video games or skateboarding?

Oh my goodness, I never knew that! (with an arrow pointing toward a picture)

Now THAT is not a good idea. (another arrow, another picture)

Do you think my comments will just ruin it for him? I wish I could see him turn red when he sees them.

I wonder if he has realized it's missing yet.

What will he do when he does?

Mum have you seen my "Pocket Guide to Sex"?

My son didn't like school BUT he is studying now!

Kids........(not anymore)

Happy Thursday!


Blogger shellibells said...

I want the pocket guide to sex. Even though I AM A SEX KITTEN!! Hey, a kitten can be taught new tricks right?

I want to make some comments in red pen in that book, too! I don't think it will show up in red in the comments but here goes:

1. Hey, son's gf? Your grandmother would call you a hussie for doing that (arrow to picture).

2. Do you have any idea how much diapers cost these days?

3. You can get nastee sores in your mouth doing that ....and in various other places for that matter.

5. Hmmm..thinking...

6. I think I should put a little illustration on how to unwrap and securely "put on" a condom.

7. Maybe I will also include a free sample of a condom in the book when i return it nicely to its original position in son's bedroom, red ink and all.

8. Two words, BIRTH CONTROL.

9. Some more words: birth control does not always stop births. LOL. Prime example: my daughter. Pill baby. A small little donation that survived the travesties of the birth control pill.

10. Wondering if anyone realized i skipped a number up in there somewhere, maybe #4 perhaps.

11. Birth control does not prevent those oozing sores I spoke about in #3, just before I skipped a number.

12. Laughing at people who scrolled up to see that i really DID skip #4....sheeesh, i don't lie!

12:23 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

OK so I scrolled up to see if you missed a number. Does that make me a loser?

Page 20 and 21 have a demonstration on how to securely put on a condom, so um...he is all set with that. Besides wtf would demonstrate on? A cucumber? A zucchini? A french bread?

We have discussed "being safe" several times, so hopefully he is. I may buy a megapack of condoms and leave it with the book when I am done, just in case

1:27 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

Diapers, yes diapers are expensive...not to mention an apartment and furniture and gas and lights and cable and phone because you won't be living at home anymore.

1:30 PM  
Blogger shellibells said...

Ahh..lights and gas and an apartment. You will be able to afford a 1 room crack shack with candles without a job if you're lucky enough to get welfare. (or unlucky)

Megapack, LOL! It's expensive to be safe these days too. You can buy a bag of diapers for the same price. Anyhow, make sure you return that book WITH the red pen inside. I can't wait..oh the gut wrenching laughs that will create.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Michael Moore said...

If my parents ever did that to me, I'd die.

Of course, hilarious comments would be the best way to go. Like "Thats how you were concieved"----> (with an arrow towards a particularly nasty illustration).


They make that seem so simple!


you could have a very frank, honest talk about it with him for a good hour and a half. Thats probably the worst.

at least he's well read....

4:14 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

Great ideas WTF! I will add those in!

9:58 AM  

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