Thursday, October 14, 2004

Presidential Death Match

So the presidential debates are over. Hurray. Things were getting down right nasty there for a while. I was waiting for the Celebrity Death Match ( music to start.

Tonight we have the first ever Presidential Death Match.

The officials for tonight will be Michael J. Fox and Jeb Bush.

Starting our event is the match between Theresa "The Punisher" Heinz-Kerry and Laura "Lets Be Friends" Bush

The second match of the night will be a tag team event. The Bush Twins vs. The Kerry Sisters.

And our main event tonight features George "The Scowler" Bush and John "The Massachusetts Marroder" Kerry.

Pulling the strings in Bush's corner are George Bush Sr. and Dick Cheney. In Kerry's corner we have John Edwards and Ted Kennedy.

Should any of the fighters get injured tonight we have Ralph Nadar standing by to jump in and kick anyone's ass he can.

Are You Ready To Rummmmmble??

I think it would be a much more efficient and amusing use of television time.

And that's what I am all about people, amusement.

On that note, here is some ACTUAL public bathroom graffiti (courtesy of Uncle John"s Bathroom Reader):

Reality is an illusion created by lack of alcohol

An Elephant is a mouse drawn to government specifications

Democracy is letting the other fellow have your way

I wish I were what I was when I was trying to become what I am now

And here is a joke for you:

Two Nuns
There were two nuns. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Eventually, Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

Men just look like penguins when they move with their pants down!

Happy Thursday!


Post a Comment

<< Home