Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Things I am Wondering This Morning

I am wondering if John Kerry is afraid. Not afraid that he will lose the presidential election. Afraid that he has pissed off Dubya. I would be. Dubya has access to EVERYTHING.

Dubya's Henchman: "To up date you, Mr. President, we have just about accomplished your list. Yesterday we wiped out John Kerry's bank account, cancelled all his credit cards, revoked his drivers license, and put a warrant out for his arrest. We have successfully placed his finger prints at the scene of a major homicide. We are just waiting for the photo-shopped picture of Senator Kerry having cocktails with Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. We will release it to the media as soon as possible."

Then again, Theresa Heinz-Kerry, is no one to mess with either, I think she could kick Dubya's ass.

I am wondering why the anonymous man parked his truck in the middle of the empty parking lot and walked across the street, then across the baseball fields, then across the second street to the houses. And also why he kept looking back at me. He was clearly nervous. Listen dude, I am just applying my make-up. You are clearly a cheater, but I am not following you for your wife. Two big, hairy, illiterate men will NOT jump out of my car and beat you senseless and drag your limp bloody body back to your wife so she can kick you in the balls. Even though you deserve it.

I am wondering why in the hell I have flip-flops on this morning. Dam its cold out, I have toe-sicles. Silly me.

I am wondering why my crotchety old-lady neighbor was giving me dirty looks while walking her dog this AM. It's not my garbage thats busted open in front of your dam gate bitch! But ya know, if it's there when I get home from work, I will clean it because my family has to use that sidewalk and my children should not have to see trash all over the place. See...I am not a bad person, so stop hating me.

I am wondering where my new neighbor 2 houses over is from. They seem so nice. I think the little boy said Canada, but I am not sure. All I know is my children love them. They clearly, like my family, do not belong in this neighborhood.

I am wondering why my kids fib to me. Sometimes the things that come out of there mouths, are so NOT believable. Last night my daughter was trying to make an excuse for something.(sorry I am experiencing brain trots this AM and can not remember what the conversation was about) As the words left her mouth, I thought, "oh no she DID NOT just say that"((insert neck wiggle here)). My left eyebrow raised and she said, "OK so thats not the truth". And we laughed hysterically for 5 minutes. It was better than fighting.

I am wondering why my father did not remember by 2 girl's birthdays. For some reason this is really bothering me. I can not let go of it. Maybe it is because I have received an invite to his son's birthday party. I want to call him and yell, "What kind of grandfather are you?" Then again what do I expect looking at his track record as a father. Why can't I be a Perry?

What are you wondering today?

Happy Wednesday!


Blogger shellibells said...

I am wondering if the anonymus truck parker man was going to score some blow? I mean...did he HAVE to be cheating? Think positive...there has to be just ONE man out there that doesn't cheat. Well, ok...single men can't cheat...whaaheffa!!

I am wondering why you have flip flops on? Wtf is wrong with you it was 30 degrees out last night. Did the frost on the windshield give you any inkling ((knock knock)) umm..hello? COLD!!!

I am wondering why you didn't kick that crotchety old lady's dog this am. Better yet spray some unnamed foreign chemical at it and tell her it was attacking you. Then when she yells at you you can spray her. And kick her in the crotch then poke her eyes out then she can't stare at you anymore. Ok, well, maybe save all that for tomorrow. I know, you hadn't thought about that at the time.

I am wondering if the lady at Ma's Donuts will take the Canadian nickel I found in my ashtray with the rest of my change? If not, I will give it to you to give it to the nice little neighbor boy. If he recognizes the Elizabeth ladies head that is on the nickel, then you can prolly assume he is from Canada. Well, then again, I could not tell you that guys name on the U.S. nickel soo......forget that thought. Bring the new neighbors some homemade cookies. It's a nice gesture and in that neighborhood they prolly won't be nice for long.

I am wondering why you are wondering why your kids fib to you? You fibbed as a child. You know you used to go to your boyfriends house after school and told your mother you were with some Andrea girl she'd never met. And you know you used to beat your brother with a pillow filled with your school books and tell your mother he fell down the stairs trying to push YOU down the stairs. And you made him wear that twotu (sp)...shame on you. I'm sure he'd look real cute in in nowadays...priceless!

12:12 PM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

ha ha fuckin ha, you are priceless!

1:03 PM  
Blogger shellibells said...

Whaaa? That wasn't funny? Are you joking? Am I really priceless?'re so nice! ( i think )

3:07 PM  

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