Thursday, December 30, 2004

Happy 2005

Well, I hope ya'all have a safe, healthy, Happy New Year's Eve! I most likely will not post again until next year. (hee hee, love saying that) While I am gone you can read my favorites, if you are bored, and even if you are not, read them anyway!

They are over theyaaaa
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Thank You?.....I think not!

Why is it that we say thank you to cops...excuse me.....police officers, if we are pulled over?

Thank you for stopping me?
Thank you for the big ass ticket?
Thank you for making me realize I was speeding? (Even though I already knew and hoped you wouldn't notice?)
Thank you for shining those bright ass lights in my eyes?
Thank you for flashing those perrty lights, so EVERY passing car notices me?
Thank you for wishing me to "have a good night" when you just ruined it.

I wasn't stopped for speeding last night but I have been in the past. I was stopped for a defected headlight. Defective means not working. And I said thank you as he handed me my written warning. I was thankful that I did not get a ticket.

I have always wondered why we say thank you, when we get a ticket? Thank you for not yanking me out of my car and throwing my sorry ass in jail?

Do you think I have issues with authority?

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Not One Red (or blue) Cent!

Snagged form Urban Muse, "Not One Red Cent" Day. I think I will participate. Dubyah-be-dammed!

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Still Stinging

The slap I got in the face yesterday is still stinging. Everytime I replay the words in my head, everytime I try to make sense of it, I feel the contact, I feel the sting. I am confused. I don't know how to handle this. After everything we have gone thru in the past months, after everything I have put up with in the past 2 years. I pulled strength from places I didn't know I had, to hold my family together. I have gone with out having my emotional needs met, I have felt more alone then I ever have in my life. But I held it all together. I don't know how, but I did. I kept sight of the man I fell in love with years ago, not the man he was at that time. And I kept searching for him. And for a long time, I found nothing. But I kept searching and hoping and loving and supporting. And worrying, the worry, oh my god, the worry was overwhelming at times, as I watched him hurt himself over and over again. At times I felt hopeless and helpless. I never judged. I didn't let anyone else judge. I protected him. I tried to understand, how it could have happened. I was not selfish and I did not run away. Even though at times I wanted to run, run fast and run far. But I didn't. I stood my ground. And it was HARD. It was really, really hard.

Yesterday we had a silly fight. The car was stuck in the snow, we were both frustrated, we said things we didn't mean. I blew it off as a stupid little tiff. But he didn't. I forgave him for the things he said and the looks he gave. But he didn't. And he wrote me this letter while I was at work. The letter said that he needs more from me. MORE?? He needs more personal attention. He needs more respect. He needs, he needs, he needs. He is tired of not having what HE needs, and if I am not willing to give him or I can not give him what he needs, then "we" need to separate. SEPARATE?

At first I cried. Those words cut me like a knife. They slashed at my heart. The heart that was just beginning to heal from a terrible trauma. Then, then I was angry. How dare he give me an ultimatum? How dare he after I have given every ounce of my being to holding our lives together? And now, now that he is starting to get himself back on track, now he says this? What about when I needed? What about the nights I cried myself to sleep because of his addiction? What about the fear I felt because I lost my best friend, my partner, my husband? What about that huh? When he finally, FINALLY came to his senses and wanted to get help, who was there? Who was making phone calls for 3 days? Who was there supporting him? Who was it that reassured him? Who was it that said you can do this, we can do this, together? Me dam it. ME.

I don't know what he expects from me. I give everything I have. We have 4 kids, and I work full time. Yup some nights I am tired. Yes some nights I fall asleep way to early. I am over weight and that probably doesn't help my energy level. It doesn't matter. He needs me to sit with him more, cuddle with him more, pay attention to him more. And I do all these things, but not enough for him. I tried to explain that for 2 years I distanced myself from him emotionally, because it was very painful. Maybe that wasn't the best way to handle the situation. But that is the only way I could survive. I mean the distancing was not a conscious decision. It was a reflex, a protective action. I was protecting myself, or trying to.

What about when I made you tea the other night when you didn't feel good, wasn't that nice? What about when I layed with you and rubbed your belly because you felt nauseous? What about when I got up from a dead sleep, at 3 in the morning, to get you something for your headache? Don't these things show you that I care? Doesn't the fact that I stayed with you at the lowest of low times in your life, show you that I love you? When you hurt, your pain is reflected in my eyes. Doesn't any of it matter?

I don't know, I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to be super wife and meet each and every one of his needs. Part of me wants to say FUCK YOU! Part of me just plain wants to be sick. I was so disgusted last night that I thought about just putting on my coat and walking out the door. With out a word. But I could not EVER do that to my kids. Even if it was just for one night. I am in awe, I am numb.

Doesn't he know that relationships are a progression? In my mind we are rebuilding right now. Rebuilding our lives from a very bad earthquake, his opiate addiction. Our relationship is not going to be what we want it to be right now. But it will. We have to work together to regain what has been destroyed. Part of that is the closeness we used to have. It is not a light switch that can just be flipped back on. It is going to take work. And NO I don't trust his judgment right now. Because he taught me I couldn't trust it. I will be able to trust his judgment and put faith in him again, someday. But not today. I am healing. He is healing. Trust and respect are earned, not just thrown about. Maybe we should separate. I don't know. Maybe we should each rebuild ourselves, individually. But it seems to me that if we work together it might be easier. Obviously, I am not doing my fair share in his eyes. Whatever. He did this to me. He did it. Not me. But know, somehow, it is ME who is at fault.

Maybe I need to be alone and decide if I want to put any more of my energy into this relationship. But why should I suffer more? Haven't I suffered enough? If we separate, I will suffer. I will suffer financially. I could get a part time job at night, but then my kids suffer. I will be the one to deal with the emotions of our children on top of my own. Haven't they suffered enough too? I mean they do not know the details, but they have sensed a problem, I know they have. I can not take anymore suffering, my strength is gone, I am running on empty. I am stranded. Lost. AGAIN.

Happy (fucking) Birthday to me!


Thursday, December 23, 2004

The Gold Medal

I am poised like a track star at the Olympics, crouched, one fist on the ground, looking straight ahead, waiting for that gun to go off. The gun being my boss telling me its not busy, why don't you mosey on home little lady. Not that he is a cowboy or anything, but it seems more chivalris in cowboyese.

I most likely won't be posting again until Monday, when I am back at work, unless I hyjack shelli-bells computer Christmas Eve after the Jello-shot eating contest.

I wanted to wish everyone a happy healthy holiday. Thank you all for reading my blog. Thank you for sharing my joys and sorrows. Thank you for all your wonderful comments and support in times of need. Its funny that I get more support and well wishes from people I have never seen in person. Its strange but I am grateful for all of you. {{ok this is turning a little toooo sappy}}

Happy Christmakwanzakah!!

While I am gone read my favorites, they are cool:
Shelli
Dooce
Trancejen
CeCe
Cammie
Weetabix
SmoochDog
Daisyhead
Kristine's Journal
House of Cards
Honestyrain


Well, in the words of the immortal Porky Pig, ththth ththth ththatttts all folks!

The boss-man has spoken!








Marry Poppins...$15.95, Friendship...Priceless

Ring.....ring........ring.........

"You have reached........hello?

"merry freakin poppins"

"what?"

"Mary Poppins, MERRY freakin POPPINS!
"
"Mary Poppins?, I have never even seen that movie"

"Oh come on you have never seen it? Add it to your list"

"Have you been thinking about this all afternoon?"

"No, it just came on TV"

"Yea right you have been thinking about it all day"

"No I swear, Lil man has been running around the kitchen singing supercallafragilisticexpyaladotious over and over again, except he can't get the "fragilistic" part down, its more like supercallaflag...{{sigh}}.....expyalidotious"

"Are you wasted, you have to be wasted to call me and say Merry freakin Poppins"

uncontrollable laughing

"No I am baking chocolate chip cookies"

"Yea, you are wasted"

{{disclaimer: the above conversation, may not be 100% accurate, but this is how I remember it. Then again I was.......ummmmmm................never mind}}

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Where for Art Thou Babee

I got home form work last night and Babee was not sitting on the arm of the loveseat waiting for me. I thought it was strange so I gave my trademark {{smooch, smooch}}, which means get your little cat tail over here. I waited and listened for the jingle-jangle of her little bell and the pitter pat of her little paws. NOTHING. I went to the staircase, figuring maybe she was enthralled in a catnip dream and couldn't hear me. {{smooch, smooch}} No jingle or jangle. My heart sank. My mind raced. I sat down my family and interrogated them, firing off questions like a machine gun.

When's the last time you saw babee?
Did you leave the door open at all today?
Who came in or out of this house today?
Could she have ran out with out you seeing her when you left?

None of the answers led me to her where abouts. And quite honestly I started to freak. I opened the Parlor window and started shouting and smooching for her. Nothing. M said stop that before someone calls the police because there is a crazy lady yelling Babee and smooching out the window.

He said she is probably asleep under the bed upstairs. But I knew she wasn't, she would have come when I called her. I said you don't understand we have a connection, something is wrong. What if she got out in the cold? She will die. She will freeze to death. Or someone will feel bad and take her in and I will never see her again. He slapped me hard on the cheek and said Get a'hold of yourself woman! No, not really but maybe he should have. He said go sit down and relax, you are stressed out. He grabbed his mag light and set about to look for my kitten.

About 10 minutes later I heard, "Oh Mummy, we have a present for youuuuuuuuuu". And there in my husbands arms was my 6 year old daughter, and in her arms was my Kitten! And on their faces were the biggest, proudest smiles! They found her in the closet, in one of the upstairs bedrooms. Some how she had run in their when my daughter was getting her clothes and then got closed in when she closed the door. She spent a traumatic day locked in the dark closet. She was a little skiddish for an hour or 2 but after that she cuddled up with me and we fell asleep. I woke up this morning still cuddled with my kitten. My husband never woke me. He cleaned up after supper, bathed the kids, got them into bed, got out their clothes for today and he let me sleep. Oh and he rescued my kitten. He was Super-Hubby. And did I mention HE RESCUED MY KITTEN? I could almost forgive his procrastinating ways for this.

Happy Wednesday (C-2 and counting)

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Hot Chocolate and Drunken Elves

aaaaah, the healing powers of hot chocolate. Gotta love it. I am having a hard time coping right now. Christmas stress I guess. My little anxiety problem has blossomed into a full grown mushroom cloud of doom. In other words watch out world, sissychong's gonna blow!

Nothing seems to be moving fast enough for me. Except Christmas, that is coming too fast as usual. I was supposed to have sold the car by now, so I could pay back the money I borrowed to get my Christmas shopping done. This hasn't happened because it needs a flange. My husband in his infinite wisdom has decided he will repair this first. Hopefully by spring thaw. Ugh he is such a procrastinator. It took him a dam week to borrow a jack to LOOK at the damaged flange. Now he is waiting for one of his brothers to come and help him. It will be Christmas 2005 by the time this happens. This brother is forever in slow motion. I attribute this to the fact that it's difficult to move quickly when you have not one but two thumbs up your ass. I say sell the dam car as is. Take a profit cut, no big deal. This is completely illogical to him. Mean while my anxiety grows larger every day. Money truly is the root of all evil. Dam that George Washington and his stupid face.

And as long as I am on this bitching tangent. I have a bone to pick with YOU Santa. Where do you get off taking all the credit for the gifts every dam year. I scrimp and save and beg and borrow to buy my kids what they want and they are oh soo happy on Christmas morning. So happy and utterly greatful that YOU got them what they wanted. YOU....You lime light hogging bastard, can't you let them appreciate MY efforts for once? I think I may tell them you got killed in a terrible sleigh accident and all the presents are from me. Maybe thats a bit drastic, I could say you fell out of your sleigh and broke your leg, or a reindeer bit you and you have rabies. I could bribe the elves too you know. I could bribe them so easily with alcohol, you know how they love the sauce. I could have them change all the "froms" on the gifts. Yea thats right, they would do it for a couple of bottles of Jack. Don't make me call Mrs. Claus ya hear? Santa, step away from the name tags.

And if I hear Celine Dion sing Feliz Navidad or I hear that dam Dominique the Donkey song one more time, I think I make cut off my ears like Van Gogh.

And another thing.......aaah forget it! I need another mug of hot chocolate, dam PMS.

Happy First Day of Fuckin Winter

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Retired and not spending my kids inheritance

I retired today. From my 2nd job that is. I have been delivering newspapers for the past few mornings. 95 dam newspapers and it totally sucks! I get up at 4:30 am (four-fucking-thirty in the morning people). It's still dark outside for criminies sake. I have done paper routes before, so I don't understand why this one seems like extreme torture to me. It makes me want to pull each an every hair out of my head one by one. ONE BY ONE!

I was picking up the papers by 5 am, grabbing a coffee and then delivering for about an hour. I would get home about 6. Which was just enough time to get ready for work and get the lil ones ready for school, so they could catch the bus by 7:30. I hate starting my day rushing around. It just makes me in a bad mood. Plus getting up that early makes me ready for dam nap by two in the afternoon!

I have been debating whether or not to keep it. Today was the straw that broke sissychong's back. I just will not deal with inconsiderate fucks anymore in my life. (If you are an inconsiderate fuck that didn't get your paper this AM, I'm sorry but smarten up! If you are not an inconsiderate fuck and still did not get your paper, I'm sorry but its your neighbors fault!)

I picked up my papers promptly at 4:55 am, loaded them into my car, and hopped in the front seat with my message sheet. The message sheet is how the newspaper people communicate to the carrier any changes, or complaints to do with the delivery. It was pretty full of typing and I thought, wow, lots of new customers. WELL, it was not new customers, it was complaints! My second day doing the route alone and I had complaints! Stoopid complaints such as: do not put paper in between front doors, leave on front porch, the doors wake up the dog. WTF? Fuck the dog, so he barks once when the paper arrives, whats the big deal? Teach the stoopid fuck to open the door and get it for you instead of barking. Don't blame the paper carrier. I could see if I was making alot of noise. But no I am considerate. I open the storm door very quietly, and I hold it to close it so it doesn't slam. Isn't that nice of me? Inconsiderate fucks don't think so.

And people for the most part do not care about their paper carrier. Most people do not leave even one outside light on. A new carrier can not see the number on your house, plus, I have found myself tripping over Christmas light cords and lawn ornaments. And then there was the lady yesterday, that came outside to start her car. She was getting out of the car, so I said excuse me, I was going to say good morning and hand her, her paper. Well she looked at me and kept right on walking to the house and into the front door. And she closed the fucking door, closed it up tight!

So this morning after I saw all the complaints, I thought, my fingers are frozen already just putting the papers into the car, these people are inconsiderate, it's way to early to be out of bed, I AM NOT DOING THIS ANTYMORE!

I took the papers BACK out of my dam car, kept one for myself and went to get coffee. Now before ya'all start thinking I am an asshat, I did call as soon as I got home to let them know I would not be delivering the papers. I did that for the nice people, like the man at the nursing home that waits in the lobby for me to bring him his paper. That call was for you dude, thumbs up!

So people be nice to your paper carrier. The job sucks and it doesn't pay much either.

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

If I Only Had a Brain

I have a new appreciation for The Wizard of Oz. I must have seen it a million times, but never like last night. I was, let's say "intoxicated". Or we could just say high, whatever. I hope my mother doesn't read this. I could not stop laughing. The colors were so bright I had to ask if they digitally re-mastered it or something. The poppy fields were so bright and colorful. I just wanted to run nekked thru them!

I wonder what L. Frank Baum was thinking or taking when he created this story. My guess would be strong hallucinogen. How he could have woven this tale without a fogged brain is beyond me. Talking scarecrows, tin men and lions? Trees that throw apples? Flying monkeys? And the Wizard? Pfft, I don't even know where to begin with him. Was he having an affair with the Wicked Witch and Glinda the good witch? Poor Dorothy got into the middle of a nastee love triangle!

Munchkins are cool. But I am thinking they must have been hittin' the sauce off camera or something. Why else would a grown man dress like that and sing, "we welcome you to lollipop land"? I can not imagine. I think the producer should have gotten the whole bunch of them (there were 124 to be exact) drunk and let them run wild around the sets. THAT would be funny.

So, this year for the smoker on your Christmas List, pick up a bone and a copy of The Wizard of Oz, and it will be the best present EVER!

Happy Tuesday!


Thursday, December 09, 2004

A Lexus for Xmas

(An actual IM conversation with Santa-bot)

sissychong: Hi Santa
SantaClaus: Hey. You're back.

sissychong: I have been a very good girl this year
SantaClaus: Excellent! Don't forget to come back here on Dec 22. for your free gift!.

sissychong: Ummmmm, can I have a Lexus for Xmas?
SantaClaus: Is that all, now?

sissychong: Ummmmm, no that is not all I want.
SantaClaus: O.K. Let's focus on one wish at a time! I'm getting a little slower as I get older. So, what is the first gift you'd like from Santa?

sissychong: a Lexus for Xmas
SantaClaus: What else is at the top of your list?

sissychong: diamonds and furs
SantaClaus: Ho Ho Ho, sounds exquisite! What else is at the top of your list?

sissychong: is that all you can say?
SantaClaus: What would your final Christmas wish be?

sissychong: jeeeee...pushy...huh.........ummm.....lets see...I want a pony
SantaClaus: Ho Ho!, Well, always wear your safety gear! What else is at the top of your list?

sissychong: Santa I don't think you are taking me seriously here
SantaClaus: So what would your final Christmas wish be?

sissychong: I already told you, a pony but I changed my mind, I want a Stallion {{wink, wink}}SantaClaus: O.K. that's plenty for Santa to go on.

sissychong: Santa that sucks
SantaClaus: I don't respond to that kind of language.A lump of coal for you.

sissychong: Oh no no wait I am sorry
SantaClaus: Hi! Elves here! Santa is listening to other children's wishes now. You can jump back in line

sissychong: but
SantaClaus: Oh, Dear. It's the elves again isn't it

sissychong: but
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?

sissychong: yes
SantaClaus: Have you donated your time or money to anyone who is really in need this year?

sissychong: Well, kind of
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?

sissychong: sure
SantaClaus: Which color are you more partial to? You know, like if it were clothing or something. Someone asked me to find out for them.

sissychong: umm black, it is slimming
SantaClaus: Interesting... Hmm... Black. OK. I will make a note of it. Now Make sure you fill in your Wish List for other AIM buddies to see.

sissychong: Santa are you blowing me off?
SantaClaus: Of course I am real. As long as you believe in me, I will be real.

sissychong: Santa I asked if you were blowing me off
SantaClaus: Take a moment, collect your thoughts, and try asking me another way. O.K. ?

sissychong: ummmm, ok
SantaClaus: Cool.

sissychong: are you too busy to chat right now?
SantaClaus: You're full of mischief.

sissychong: well yea thats where the stallion comes in...hee hee
SantaClaus: Where indeed?

sissychong: {{{GASP}}} SANTA you naughty boy
SantaClaus: Santa always behaves nicely. Mrs. Claus won't have it any other way.

sissychong: I don't think Mrs. Claus would like it if she new you were asking where I was going to put my stallion
SantaClaus: Whoa! Ho! Ho! slow down there! That's quite a lot for a man of my age to wrap his head around.

sissychong: haaaah never mind
SantaClaus: Hmm.

sissychong: why don't you send me a check that will put me in the Christmas spirit
SantaClaus: What do you think?

sissychong: I think a check would do it
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.

sissychong: I get a check?
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again.

sissychong: Santa you are avoiding the question?
SantaClaus: Well, are you real? I'm here talking to you. Of course, I'm real.

sissychong: I am real yes
SantaClaus: Without a doubt?

sissychong: Ummm..{{poking self}} yup!
SantaClaus: Wait, I was dancing to 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and got a little carried away.

sissychong: Have you been drinking?
SantaClaus: Sorry the elves didn't get that.

sissychong: Are they drinking too?
SantaClaus: Alright now. I'm here to spread Christmas cheer -- so use this time wisely and type carefully.

sissychong: Are the elves frisky?
SantaClaus: I've got all I can handle.

sissychong: I have this weird Christmas Elf fantasy
SantaClaus: Something you want to know about them?

sissychong: yes
SantaClaus: Yes!!

sissychong: DO they like to ya know "get jiggy"?
SantaClaus: My goodness. I'm afraid I cannot respond to that kind of talk.A lump of coal for you.

sissychong: Another lump?
SantaClaus: My goodness! You certainly are direct!

sissychong: ok Santa, I have to get back to work now, please remember my stallion, ok?SantaClaus: You can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes! sissychong: OK bye

SantaClaus: Good.
sissychong: Jeez that wasn't nice

SantaClaus: Wonderful! Now we are getting somewhere.
sissychong: Shit santa
SantaClaus: Hmm. I'm afraid that kind of language won't get you into the nice column with me.That's a lump of coal for you.

sissychong: Shit another lump
SantaClaus: Keep spreading the Christmas spirit! TTYL

sissychong: Spread this Big boy
SantaClaus: Yeah, everyone keeps asking me about that. I think you can start your search here: Big Air Ball Tower

sissychong: Yikes, santa you frisky old man you
SantaClaus: Interesting.

sissychong: Time for me to go before Mrs. Claus wants to kick my ass!
SantaClaus: Now, that's not necessary. I have to go check on the elves.

sissychong: ok, bye, nice chatting with you.
SantaClaus: Good bye and have a Merry Christmas.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

We had a problem with our 8 year old last night. For no apparent reason it seems,other than to piss us off.

I pulled out the usual ammunition:

Do you want to be punished? No response.
I will take away TV privileges. No response.
How about Game Cube? You won't be playing that ya know! No freakin* response.

After a good 5 or 10 minutes I decided I was done with this game. So I sent him to bed and warned him not to turn on the TV or I would be forced to throw it out the 3rd floor window.

So, the boy gets ups this morning and still doesn't want to finish his home work. It was time for the Good Cop/Bad Cop coercion.

Bad Cop: You will have an aweful weekend with out game cube, trust me.

Good Cop: Come on buddy it's just one paper, is that worth losing game cube?

Boy: grrrrumble, grrrrr

Bad Cop: You better get your butt moving, boy 'cuz, if you miss the bus, I'll double your punishment.

Good Cop: Let's get this done. Look how mad "bad cop" is getting.

Boy: {{sigh}} I...ummm......don't have to do this paper.

Bad Cop: HA, that is a lie. I am not stupid. What have I told you about lying? That's a whole separate punishment. Now, do you want to recant your former testimony? (yes bad cop really said that)

Boy: {{ looking at the floor shuffling feet}} Grrrumble grrrrr

Bad Cop: OK we'll start with tonight, you won't do your homework? (pause) NO GAME CUBE TONIGHT! Wanna start working on tomorrow now?

Good Cop: It is really not worth it to get in trouble at home and get in trouble at school, just get it done.

Boy: I won't get in trouble at school.

Bad Cop: Oh, yes you will because I will call Mrs. XYZ and tell her that you refused to do your homework and that you need to lose your recess, is that what you want?

Boy: {{holding head in hands}}

At this point, good cop motions to bad cop with the eye signal, which means conference in the other room.

Whispering:
Good Cop: I think he is about to crack. Let me do all the talking.
Bad Cop: OK but if he doesn't I am coming down hard.

They move back to the interrogation room.

Good Cop: Ok, now we have been more than patient, are you going to come to your senses, or do you choose punishment?

Boy: {{heavy sigh}} OK, ok, I will do it.

Good Cop: Good Boy!

Bad Cop: Wise choice.

Later, over coffee......

Bad Cop: Why do we always have to play good cop/bad cop?
Good Cop: I don't know but it works.
Bad Cop: I am sick of being the bad cop, next time can we switch?
Good Cop: You know that won't work.
Bad Cop: Pfft, un-fucken-fortunately.

Guess who the bad cop is. Yup, the one and only Sissychong. I betcha didn't know I was in law enforcement now didja? I earned my degree in criminal justice at CSI University. I minored in Cagney & Lacey, majored in LAPD Blue. And it was cheap!

Happy Thursday!



* Spell check wanted to replace freakin, with foreskin. No foreskin response? I think not!!




Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Christmas Bonus', Pimples and Screaming, Oh My!

OK, I have been being called Sissyslacker because I haven't posted in 5 days. (Shelibells you big bully)

I do not have internet access at home anymore because I am poowa. When it became apparent that my husband was not going to be able to hold a job right now I had to trim the fat from my budget. (Not to mention the fat from my body). Unfortunately for me and my teenagers, internet service is "fat".

Fortunately, I DO have internet access at work. But I have not had time to post. I have to get my work done first. It IS Christmas Bonus time, so I am on my bestest of best behavior. Ya see its all about the green. So keep your money clips crossed for me.

*********************************

Now for the post:

Last Friday 'Lil Diva (my 6 year old daughter, you can see her here, she is on the left, http://shelibells.blogspot.com/2004/12/cheeeeeeeeeeze.html) woke up with a pimple on her face. Her world stopped turning and fell off its access as soon as she saw it in the mirror. Her jaw dropped. She screamed. I looked down at her, we were sharing the bathroom at the time. She said, and I quote "MUM I HAVE A PIMPLE, I can not go to school like this". She began to cry. And cry and cry and cry she did. For a really long time. I wanted to jab sharp objects into both of my ears to relieve myself of her misery. After 15 minutes of trying to reason with her, I was ready to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. Have you ever tried to reason with a 6 year old who is much, I will say it again for emphasis, MUCH to worried about her looks, over a dam pimple? Not pretty people.

Finally, I managed to get her moving in the direction of the bus stop. She had her winter coat on zipped all the way up to the top, covering the lower half of her face inside. She mumbled, "Thudg hfdmsfe, jdhfbxncvksjdf?" Which I will translate for you. "This will work on the bus, but what about when I have to take my coat off at school?" Ugh, there we went again, more tears.

Waiting in the car for the bus to come, she pulled down the passenger side vanity mirror, and said, "Oh no, now my face is all red from crying" I thought I was going to pass out as I bashed my head on the steering wheel several times, to make sure I wasn't having a nightmare.

Eventually she got on the bus and went to school. On the way out of the car door she said, "Nobody better make fun of me!" And I hope no one did because I swear the girl would have punched them out!

Why is she so obsessed with her appearance, you ask? I don't know. I am not obsessed with mine. I mean, ya know, I try to look good and I am not a grub or anything, but if I am having a bad hair day, or I wake up with a pimple, I do not have a melt down over it.

My hubby could stand in the mirror for an hour and change his clothes twenty times before he goes any where. Maybe she is getting this body image problem from him? That's bass ackwards, if you ask me. She should be mimicking me not her dad, no?

I am afraid of how she will be in her teens if she is this devastated by a pimple now. Do they have body image counselors for 6 year olds? Oi-vey!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

HI. GOOD MORNING. I. HAVE. SO. MUCH. ENERGY. RIGHT. NOW! I feel like Tony Little. I feel like yelling everything I have to say. Tony Little does annoy me though.

I peddled my ass 11 miles this morning. I will pause for a moment whilst you pick up and re-attach your jaw. OK? All set?

I have started what I will call "Operation Hottie", my plan to lose weight and get fit and feel young and beautiful.

It's amazing how much better I feel about myself today. I know I haven't lost any weight yet, but I do not "feel" as fat as I usually do, in my mind.

I was at the gym from 5:15 to about 6. Stopped and got coffee and donuts on the way home. Don't worry the donuts were not for me. And I didn't eat ANY! Next I woke up the bambinos, gave them their clothes and told them to get to dressing, while I hopped in the shower. Got out made lunch for my boy (he hates school lunch) and for myself, finished them up with the teeth and hair brushing, hopped in my clothes and we were out the door. 'Lil Diva had a bit of a meltdown at one point, but all those happy exercise endorphins were swimming around my brain so, I didn't stress as much as usual.

All in all this AM has been a positive experience. Now if I can just keep my rebellious hands from stuffing junk food into my face, that will be the hard part. I am planning to follow the point system from weight watchers, although I am NOT paying them 13 bux a week to weigh me. I have been thru the program so many dam times I could probably be a group leader. Maybe I will try to put 10 of that 13 in a separate account as a reward for my hard work. Maybe I can take a trip or buy something I want, that is not chocolate, when I have reached my goal. We'll see.

Anyway, it seems like I just may be catching up with that pesky "happiness" after all.

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The M stands for Marvelous

A conversation between two old friends:

S: Good afternoon blankety blank company

M: Hi

S: Hi (?), Oh HI!! I didn't recognize your voice. How are you?

M: Good. Are we still fat?

S: Well, I don't know about you but I AM

{{laughter}}

M: Are we still Curving?

S: Well Curving didn't do anything for my curves so I quit.

M: OH, what about that one day diet?

S: UGH the wafers tasted like ass.

M: I keep hearing the commercial, "Hi my name is Candy and I lost 10 pounds in 5 days on the one day diet"

S: Me too, I feel like screaming SHUT UP you lying bitch.

{{laughter}}

M: I need a boob job, {{sigh}}

S: Pfft, I am just gonna get hydraulic jacks

{{uncontrolable laughter}}

M: So how are you?

S: OK, but apparently I am so out of shape that I can not spray gel the underside of my hair with out pulling a muscle in my back.

M: HA I can top that, I pulled a muscle in the shower trying to wash my butt!

{{laughter}}

M: That's why fat people smell, they just can not reach their "areas" to wash.

S: Hey I don't smell?!

M: No but you pulled a muscle trying to practice good personal hygeine, didn't you?

S: True

M: Steve is out today, he had to see Dr. Costa

S: AAh yes good ole Joey Costa. Everytime I pass his office I think of Steve.

M: You think of Steve bending over with Joey's finger up his ass?

S: NO, I think of Steve bitching because Dr. Costa told him he needed to lose weight and how dare he say that because he has a big round belly and he eats donuts every morning.

M: {{Laughing}}

S: But now, thanks to you I will think of the finger, thanks a lot, Merry freakin Christmas to you too!

{{laughter}}

M: Um so we are going to Blankety Blank Restaurant on the 13th to have a few drinks and dinner, wanna come?

S: Yea sure.

M: Oh I am flying to Cleveland for the Pats vs Browns game this weekend. And it is Lauren's 1st birthday too!

S: Awesome, I bet she looks better than us doesn't she?

M: Sharon? (Lauren's mom) Pfft, yup, she does. But ya know she is watching what she eats and excersizing.

S: Pfft, BITCH, I watch what I eat....sometimes my eyes get tired.

{{Laughter}}

M: So I'll see you on the 13th.

S: Yup, I'll be there.

M: All this talk about being overweight has depressed me.

S: Ah, go eat something you will feel better.

M: Your right!

{{laughter}}

S: Bye

M: Bye