Monday, January 31, 2005

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie

If you have seen "Hide and Seek" you know what that is all about!

Shellibell and I got in twouble at the movies on Fwiday night. We brought hubbychong since he had been stuck in the house with the kids all week long. Mistake! He was no fun. We embarrassed the hell out of him. He said from now on he has to sit between the 2 of us when we see a movie! Can you believe dat shit? It's a vewy big pwobwem!

I can not remember the actual order of events. It all started with the word Pwobwem. We kept saying it with a W, actually 2. And the people behind us said, " this is why I stay home and watch movies", and hubbychong shook his head in disgust. Then a scene in the movie replays, and I said, "Gwound hog day that's a pwobwem!" People laughed. Especially me and Shelli. But someone threw popcorn at me. I know it was dat bitch behind me. So I threw one kernal back, then Hubbychong gave me the look of death, and I shrunk in my chair. But I still could not stop laughing. Then some young chick told Shelli to shut up! OMG, do not tell Shelli to shut up mmmkay? Not unless she loves you. Trust me...just don't. Then we had to drag her out of the theatre by her hair, oh no wait, thats what we WANTED to do, sorry.

And then there was a whole group of young kids, like 11 years old watching the "R" rated movie and we wanted to rat them out to the usher. But then their MOM came in and gave them popcorn and left! So we wanted to drag her out of the theatre by her hair too.

Oh and then there was the car that almost ran over Sheli, she coulda kicked his ass too. All in all it was a great night!

Happy Monday!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

My Milkshake, It's better than yours.........

Shit, has it BEEN a week?

I guess it has, bad sissy, Baaaad!

Ugh the snow, it won't go away, as you can see here.

Anyway, do you know what sucks?

Filling a blenders with milk, chocolate syrup and chocolate ice cream to make milkshakes. MMMM, the chocolatey goodness. Pushing the button and realizing the blender no longer works, that my friends is what sucks!

Luckily, I had a whisk, we made ghetto shakes instead. Can you picture it? Me whisking, in a dam blender pitcher? Yea it was FUN!

But the chocolatey goodness was still MMMM!

Happy (fucking) Thursday!

Thursday, January 20, 2005


Today, my friends, is BLACK THURSDAY. That is what I have named it. And we all know how important I am, in my own little mind. So, January 20th 2005 will forever go down in history as BLACK THURSDAY.

BLACK THURSDAY because today is the day that DUBYA is being sworn in for his second term in office. Four more dark, dismal years of this man. Now, I am not really a political person. I don't understand all the bipartisan, and right wing this, liberal that, stuff. But I do know when I do not trust someone. This man I DO NOT TRUST. (Save your dam hate mail, we are all entitled to our opinions, and this is mine. I will not go to YOUR site and slam you for yours so don't do it to me, mmmkay?)

I fear the next 4 years. I fear them for myself, I fear them for my children. I ask myself, how much damage can be done in the next 4 years. My answer? A whole shit load! I have seriously thought about relocating somewhere north of the border to escape this man. He is laying the ground work for my children's future here, its not going well in my eyes.

What can I do? I don't have a clue. Educate myself? Learn what I can about the system and about the decisions he is making "for the people"? Yea, I can do that. But I don't think it is going to make a piss-hole in the snows difference in changing things for the next fours years.

Let's hope for a good man (woman- go Hillary), in 2009!


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Ass Turban?

Does the following statement cause anyone else to laugh hysterically? Over and over again?

"You made me kiss his butt so hard, I am wearing his ass as a turban"

No?.....Just me?

Pfft, you people have no sense of humor.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

How could it have slipped my mind?

I just don't know what my problem is. Here it is the 18th of freakin January, and I haven't done a darn thing to work towards, my new years resolutions, which I refused to call "resolutions". If I name something a resolution, it is just like taking a big ole stamp, and smacking it on an ink pad, and then on my forehead, really hard, "FAILURE".

So I purposefully, did not declare, on this site, that I was changing anything. No resolutions here!

Not reaching my goals is humiliating enough, public humiliation via internet, 100 times worse. I did ok for a while, small changes, baby steps. And then one day, I just forgot. How convenient. Just plain freakin forgot that I had these goals in mind. Just forgot!

It was like, "oh dam I am supposed to be watching what I eat" and "oh shit, I was supposed to be going to the gym 3 times a week". Just I am a dumb blonde or something. No offense to any dumb blondes who may be reading this, I lurve ya! But if you say to yourself "hey that wasn't nice of her to call me that", well then you are really calling yourself that...but I digress. There are plenty of dumb brunettes out there, myself included. I mean dumb in the most endearing way possible, really I do. Anyway, easy to get sidetracked. Ok let's just forget that whole dam paragraph...MMMkay?

I don't know why I feel the need to play these mind games with myself. Reverse psychology on myself? WTF is up with that? Sigmund Freud would be proud!

I should put a POST-IT on my forehead before I go to bed at night, with my goals on it. That way when I brush my teeth and see my reflection in the mirror, bam! it will be all spelled out for me. (snuck a little Emeril Lagasse in there! Bam!)

I think I have to re-evaluate the present situation to overcome the obstacles that lie in my way. And buy some POST-ITs for home.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, January 17, 2005

Thank you Romy & Michele!

I suffer from CRS. Yup, sad but true. Can't Remember Shit is a horrible disease. It confuses you, makes you wonder if you are going crazy, and most times, just plain makes you look like an idiot!

At first I tried to deny the facts. But as they say, denial is not JUST a river in Egypt. (hee) Slowly, I began to accept my condition. I embraced my CRS. And I found a cure. It's not a pill, it's not a liquid. It doesn't come in a patch, or a gum.


My God post-its are awesome. I can not live with out post-its. It's that simple. Well, I can but I would be a blundering idiot. They are my memory. I prefer the 2 x 2, neon colored, variety. They are just big enough, to jot down a thought, without wasting paper. See I am an ecologically conscious CRS sufferer.

The boys, they call me the POST-IT Queen, when they see those brightly colored, sticky pieces of wisdom all over my computer screen, keyboard and desk. "The POST-IT Queen is at it again", they say. Or, "uh-oh, we are getting low on POST-ITS, better go to the office supply store and bring back a truck load".

I don't mind their teasing. You see when they need to know something, who do you think they ask? Yes, ME. I pull out my folder of "done" POST-ITS, shuffle thru and find them their answer.

So, I just wanted to say THANK YOU to the inventor's of the POST-IT note.

THANK YOU, ROMY and MICHELE, I am truly and eternally greatful. And by the way your movies was hilarious too!

Happy MLK Monday!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Cold, Stinky, Circus People (or Skankie Frankie and the Cellar Trolls)

AHHHH, Happy Friday everyone!

The boys are gone. The boys being my boss and his son. Yes, that's what I call them. I mean it in an endearing way. Really I do.

Anyway, the boys are gone. It's just me and my LARGE coffee, and the radio, and the computer. I love working alone. Sometimes it is lonely, but not often because Shelli is usually online to keep me company. I love the solitude and of course I love the fact that I am my own boss.

It has been one hell of a long week for me. Let's see where should I begin? Things broke this week. Things like my shower, and my heater, and my washer.

First it was the heater, actually that was a couple of weeks ago, Yes, I said a couple of weeks ago. That's right it has been a bit chilly in casa de sissychong. I had to practically hit my landlord over the head with a club and drag him back to my apartment, caveman style, to get the heater fixed. First he wanted us to get the part and fix it. We refused. Then he wanted us to get the part and he would fix it. That never happened. So it came down to the caveman club: "call the gas company to come and fix my heat or I will have to make a few calls myself". One knock on the door, 20 minutes and $175.00 later, viola, I have heat.

And the washer? It broke on Sunday. We do a lot of laundry. There are 6 people in my home, did I say we do a lot of laundry? Yea, ALOT. We located a used washer for sale from a friend of a friend of a friend of the family. And we could get it on Monday. Great! Well Monday turned into Tuesday, which materialized into Wednesday, which disintergrated into Thursday, and here I am on Friday...sans washer. We have all but run out of clothes and have taken to wearing whatever we can scrounge up from each other. Oh its horrible. I have on my daughters shirt. My son has on his brothers socks and his fathers underwear (a new pair unused). My daughter had to wear a pair of my socks. Yea, you get the picture. Circus people. We are dressed like circus people. (No offense to any circus people who might be reading this entry, I love the circus I truly do, it's just the mis-matched clothing, and bright colors, I have a problem with, well not on you circus people, just ummm, on my family) Not to mention the Mt. Everest and K2 of laundry that has piled up.

Then, the faucet of the shower broke. Something let go, inside. It has had a steady leak for a while. Which the landlord neglecting to fix. Anyway, it finally just blew a gasket, so to speak. And the water just kept pouring out, no matter how tight you turned the dam knob. So I called the landlord. He called the cellar troll. (ok I need to explain, there are 2 people that live in my cellar. It is an apartment down there. I, for some reason, started calling them trolls, like the trolls that live under bridges? And they have no windows and no natural light down there, hence the name troll. I don't know why my brain works the way it does but anyway....they are trolls) So the troll comes running up the stairs, banging on the door, "Skankie Frankie, said your house is flooding!?" (Yes, I call the landlord Skankie Frankie, but that is another story). So he, with his troll like wisdom, said, I will have to shut the water off at the main shut off. OK fine. But it took 24 hours for the dam plumber to fix it. I suspect that Skankie Frankie wanted to save a buck and didn't call him right away because it was after hours. So we had no consistent water supply. When ever we needed to wash up, or do dishes, or what ever, I had to descend to troll-ville and ask the troll to to turn on the water for a bit. What fun. Tromping downstairs at 6 in the morning in my bathrobe and miss matched slipper socks, with bed head. They probably have their own cruel nickname for ME now! Crazy, color blind, bed head lady, or some shit.

At least he didn't make me solve a riddle or something first.

I am soo glad it is weekend, I have heat, water and hopefully tomorrow a washer!

Happy Friday!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Ms. Zoot

If you don't read her, then you should,

Vote for Ms. Zoot,
She's a hoot,
Her kids are cute,
If she wins the "bob"
she'll give you lots of loot! (NOT)

But vote anyway, once a day would be nice!

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Torturing My 15 Year Old (Take 2)

Yell from across the isle in the store, "Ally do you like this bra?, oooh and a thong to match?"

As I recall she looked at me as if I was a bag lady and she didn't know me! As she walked swiftly into the shoe department.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


I know I have been blogging quite a few conversations lately. But, in my defense, strange things just keep happening to me conversation wise.

It's morning, I got up late, no school, snow storm, so basically I am a headless (hee hee, I said head), chicken. I am in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, so I have a mouthful of toothpaste suds and a toothbrush in my mouth. (oh my god I said head and mouth in the same paragraph).


Hubbychong stumbles in, half asleep, and thrusts ,oh my gosh, what is wrong with me today? Ok so he thrusts a ringing phone into my hand and says, " Tell "name of local radio station" it's fire arms". Except coming from his sleepy mouth to my sleepy ears it sounded more like, "fell hun ton oh Kevin hits liar barns".

I said, "What the fuck did you just say, are you fucking sleep talking?" Yes, I had a potty mouth full of toothpaste. Meanwhile, the phone is answered by "local radio station". I don't have the phone to my ear, just in my hand. We both hear the "good morning hun ton oh Kevin, whats your answer?"

He whispers, "fire arms"
I spit, "fire arms"
DJ asks, "1/3 of all woman own "fire arms" ?
I say, "yes" but I am thinking, what the fuck did he get me into? Fire arms? What kind of an answer it THAT?
DJ, "That is correct! You win 2 tickets to the boat show at the convention center!"

So, I get off the phone, and explain to hubbychong that we are the proud and lucky, oh yes, lucky owners of 2 tickets to the damn boat show!

He says. "At least I made you famous!"

Yes, indeed HE has made me famous!

Happy Famous Thursday!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

De-Lurking Day

Today is De-Lurking Day people. I found this out through the genious that IS Miss Zoot. This is the day that we bloggers/journalers/writers (what ever you would like to call us) ask all of our lurkers to comment. You are a lurker if you read here and do not write. Which on any normal day is fine and dandy. But not today. We just want to know you are out there. Just say "hey, I read your dam site and it sucks" or "I lurve you daa-link", whatever.

Personally, I would just like to follow the link to read your site, if you have one. If not thats ok to0. Easy to please that's me (HA!)

Anyway, send a "shout out" to Sissychong, would ya? Please? I ain't to proud to beg (hee hee)

Torturing my 15 Year Old

Me: Ally?
Alley-cat: Yes, Mum
Me: Drop it like its hooooat, drop it like its hooooat
Alley-cat: Ugh, you KNOW I hate that song
Me: I know {{uncontolable laughter}}
Alley-Cat: Mum, you are a dork

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Snaggle-pussed from CeCe

Three names you go by:
1. Lori
2. La-la
3. Sissy

Three screen names you have:
1. Sissychong
2. Mamaduck
sorry only 2 but you can call me bitch if ya like

Three things you like about yourself:
1. I make people laugh
2. I am always willing to help (unless you have wronged me, hence the bitch nickname)
3. My toes, they are cute!

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. My weight
2. My sensitivity (sometimes)
3. My lack of self confidence

Three parts of your heritage:
1. Portuguese (Mom and Dad, great gramma was born on Soa Paulo)
2. Indian, French, Italian, English(Dad, yea he is a mut, so am I. Muts are loyal though!)
3. See above

Three things that scare you:
1. Death
2. Things with too many legs and eyes to count
3. Eating pig rectums (Fear Factor)

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Coffee
2. Mark
3. Sleep

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. My wedding rings
2. Socks
3. A smile

Three new things you want to try in the upcoming year:
1. To take better care of myself (ie. lose weight, exercise, take time for me)
2. Taking Control
3. Save money

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Compassion
2. Trust
3. Sense of Humor
4. Generosity
5. Happiness
7. Friendship
sorry I got carried away, oh and I said trust twice, hmmm, I guess that is important

Two truths and a lie:
1. I suffer from social anxiety
2. My husband and two out of his seven siblings were born on the same day and they are NOT triplets, which coincedentally is the same day we got married
3. I have never gone bra less in public

Which one is a lie? Huh, huh, which one?

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. Eyes
2. Smile
3. Hands

Three things you just can't do:
1. Eat pig rectums (Fear Factor)
2. The monkey bars at the park
3. Curl my tongue into a U shape

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Blogging
2. Sleeping
3. Artsy-fartsy stuff (painting, drawing etc)

Three careers you're considering:
1. Millionareress
2. Tattoo Artist
3. Professional Bitch

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Florida
2. Louisiana (Mardi Gras)
3. Mexico (Yucatan, to see the ruins of he Mayans)

Three kids names (boy or girl):
1. Alyssa Rose
2. Cassidy Ann
3. Makaela Rae

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Be Happy
2. Travel
3. Skinny Dip

Monday, January 03, 2005

Hello 2005!

Since today is the 1st official day of 2005 for me I thought we should have a talk. Me and 2005 that is.

Listen 2005, I know you probably think I am a push over. Your sister, 2004, yea she kicked my ass for 365 days. She stomped on my shit bad. That bizotch threw everything at me that she had. But ya know what? I held on for the ride. In the process I learned a lot about myself. I am stronger facing you today than I was facing your sister.

I have goals for you and I, 2005. Some goals I have thought long and hard about. You probably have your own agenda for me, probably passed on to you from 2004. The list of things she never got to. You know the one. It is titled, "Sissychong's Living Hell". Oh you HAVE seen it. See I knew she would try that shiznit. 2004, she is a sneaky, under handed, little fuck! Sorry, I know she is your sister and all, we don't get to choose our family unfortunately.

I just wanted to give you a heads up. Before you and I get off on the wrong foot. We are doing things MY WAY for the next 365 days. I am in control of YOU, 2005, you are NOT in control of me? Capeeshe? You might as well call the rest of your family, 2006, 2007 and 2008. Let them know, that 2004 might have gotten the best of me but it ain't happnin for you, 2005, or your siblings. It's my way or the highway from now on. I am not trying to be mean here, but it's high time I took control of you. Things certainly do get out of hand when you are left alone to run amuck!

So, um, yea, trust me 2005. We are going to go places together you and I. Great places. We are going to accomplish things together. I might need 2006 and 2007 to help us accomplish some of my goals, but that is ok. All you years just need to co-operate with me ......mmmmkay? No more of this struggling, no more chasing that bastard happiness around. He is going to come crawling to us when I am done with him.

Anyway, I am gald we could have this chat. I hope you understand it's nothing personal, it's just the way things are going to be. So strap yourself in because here we GOOOOOOOOOO!