Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The Earth wobbles on its axis

I have read that the Earth is now wobbling on its axis do to the severity of the earth quake that caused the Tsunami. I believe it!

Strange things are happening in troll-ville and I think it is being caused by the wobble. And you thought this was going to be a serious post...HA!

Yesterday at 7pm there was a knock on my back door. No one uses my back door but the trolls. They climb out of their little hole in the ground, ascend the deck stairs and then claw their way up another flight to my door.

My son opened the door. And there with a big smile on her face was the She-troll. And in her hands was a ziploc-ware bowl of soup. (My thoughts will be in italic from here on out She wants to poison us)

I think she may have been on coke or some mood enhancing drug. (disclaimer-not that there is anything wrong with mood enhancing drugs for medicinal purposes)

She bopped around my house all smiley telling me how she made too much soup, and how beautiful my apartment is, (ummm, no it is a mess right now) and the last people that lived here were slobs and when ever she came upstairs (you mean they let you visit?) she had to climb over piles of junk on the floor. She cleaned the house once for the girl, and she had to send the kids upstairs because they kept making messes (yea ok). And the girl cryed because the house looked so nice when she was done. (ummmm, sure she did) She kept walking from one room to another telling me how lovely it was (what are you snooping for?) She checked out the "in progress" floor repair. She spoke to my children, nicely (she is really up to no good)

I don't know what to make of this. I know I am cynical, I would like to believe that she WAS just being nice. Evidence to the contrary is overwhelming. My fragile psychy finds it impossible to fathom. Circuits over loading.

We have lived here for 2 years. The trolls have never been friendly with us. The last time I spoke with her was around Thanksgiving and she was knocking on my door at midnight to use the phone to call the police on the He-troll. Who followed her upstairs and banged on my door too, wanting to come in. (Did he think I was nuts?) Anyway, SHE got arrested that night, and I promptly told Skankie Frankie of their escapades. (For those of you who don't know who he is, he is the slum lord)

The time I spoke with her before that was in August and I was not nice. My children where in the back yard playing and she had a tomato plant growing there. I was checking on them continuously, to make sure they were being good and not getting into mischeif. I am responsible like that. So one time when I looked out the window, they were kinda close to the plant so I told them to make sure they didn't go to close, and it wasn't ours, respect other peoples things and blah blah blah. 1.6 seconds after I stopped talking, she growled, "don't you fucking touch that plant". I felt a flash of heat zoom from my feet to the very ends of the hair on my head. And I told her like it was.

I said out the window, "I already asked them to move away from your plant. Don't you EVER swear at my kids again, cuz I will fly down to that cellar and beat your ass so fast, you can not even imagine. And then there was silence. Total silence, not even a bird dare to chirp at that moment in time. I called my bambinos upstairs for lunch and that was the end of that.

So you see, I really think she is up to something. And the soup? Pfft, it was flushed!

Happy Puxatoni Phil Gwound Hog Six More Weeks of Winter Day!


Blogger shellibells said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:28 AM  
Blogger shellibells said...

Fuck that groung hog...and his little hole too! Tell Phil to take the trolls into his hoghole for the rest of the freaking winter!!!

11:35 AM  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Oh damn..I would have gotten arrested for the whole tomatoe plant thing. Your telling me she actually said the word "fucking" to your kids. I bet she put mouse poop in the soup or something.

1:46 PM  
Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

What a crazy bitch. Tell me more!

12:41 PM  
Blogger Racer93 said...

Did you know the leaves on a tomato plant can be poisonous ( contact me for exact details .. lol ) so DON"T eat any food from trollville. ;)

7:51 PM  

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