Thursday, March 31, 2005

Just a boy, Not Yet a Man

I feel so very sad,
My heart hurts,
My head feels heavy,

Eighteen years old,
Dies on the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Seven shots rang out,
Seven bullets took his life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

His mother,
she must hurt,
Her heart must be in pieces,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

She couldn't see him,
She couldn't kiss him,
She couldn't say good-bye
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

He was still a baby,
His whole life ahead of him,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

People heard the yelling,
Why didn't someone stop it,
I suppose I shouldn't judge,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Would I be able to stand up,
In the same situation,
Put myself at risk,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I know his grandmother,
She lost a daughter to violence,
Now she has lost again,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I don't understand
Youth so full of rage,
Not caring about human life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Was it that important,
Could you not turn the other cheek,
What was it that was worth his life,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Can't you see,
It's not getting better,
With each death it gets worse,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

What happens now,
Or was this retaliation,
When will it stop, where will it end,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

Now an arrest,
What happens to him,
His family will be torn apart as well,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold,

I look at my babies,
My heart feels heavy and I pray,
Nothing ever happens to them,
On the street,
Where the ground is hard and cold.

Reason # 5,672,893 Why I Want to Move to Maine

I can laugh now, I think, well no damn it I am still mad. But I will tell the tale anyhow, at least someone can laugh at it.

Hubby has the car today. I sent him on an errand to drop off some stuff for me. I call him on the cell phone. He is just pulling up to "Nancy's" house to make the drop. (No it wasn't drugs, dam it)

Sissy: Hi babe, where you at?

Hubby: Just pulling up to Nancy's

Sissy: Great

Hubby: Oh shit!

Sissy: What? Whats the matter?

Hubby: There is a prostitute coming up to the car!

Sissy: Give her the fucking phone, I'll fuck that bitch up!

Prostitute: Do you live here?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Get the fuck away from my husband you stupid bitch! {{talking}} At least hold the dam phone up so she can hear me!

Prostitute: Are you picking me up?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Picking you up?? You skank ass hoe, I'll fucking get you a pick up, bitch.....they'll be picking your ass up off the sidewalk with a shovel!

Prostitute: grumble, grumble, asshole, grumble

Sissy: {{Still yelling various things into the phone}}

Hubby: Alright STOP, she is gone.

Sissy: Well tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning, we are going there, and I am going be in the back seat, and when you park I am going to jump out and beat the fuck out of her!

Hubby: Do you really want to be arrested?

Sissy: I don't give a shit, proposition my dam husband will she! What is she going to do, call the cops on me?

Hubby: Maybe

Sissy: What is she gonna tell them? I will say yes, I beat the shit out of her, she propositioned my husband, soliciting prostitution even, do you think they will feel sorry for her?

Hubby: You're right, probably not. Just try to calm down before you pop a blood vessel or something.

Sissy: Ok {{calming down}} I can not beleive the shit that happens in my life.

Hubby: Just, ummm, try to be calm.

Sissy: Ok........ I am calm...........

Hubby: Ok, call me later.

And we hang up.

At this point I am thinking I really hope my boss doesn't have any surveilence cameras around the office that I am unaware of. Can you picture me at my desk, yelling profanities into the phone? Well probably not since you don't know what I look like, but picture a mad woman, with smoke coming out of her ears......yea, there ya go, thats what I looked like.

Then the phone rings....

Hubby: Umm Hun?

Sissy: Yea {{still a little pissed}}

Hubby: I hate to tell you this

Sissy: What NOW?

Hubby: {{cringing}} When I was in high school, I dated that prostitute.

Sissy: WTF? Are you fucking kidding me?

Hubby: No, I thought she looked familiar.

Sissy: Well, I am glad to see that your taste in woman has improved!

Hubby: Yes, why yes it has!

Not only are the prostitutes running wild in my city, they are looking up lost loves! They are using marketing strategies to try to boost business. Has everything in this world gone high tech? Just another reason why I want to move to a mountain top in Maine...........with a shotgun!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I am Sooo Bloggin that!

Hubby and I were watching some kind of news type show last night. The report was about this club in Whichita, Kansas. I wish I could remember the name, it was kind of catchy. They have scantilly clad dancers performing at this club. At some point the owners decided to make it top less dancing. Well according to some old law this is illegal. Something about not being able to expose the bare breast in public. The lawyer for the owner of the bar came up with a loop hole to get around this. He had them paint their breasts with latex body paint before they dance. As we were watching a girl dance with her newly latex painted breasts, our conversation went like this:

Hubby: Hun you should get a part time job dancing (Before ya'all start throwing rotten tomatoes at him he would NEVER allow that)

Sissy: Dancing?? As in Nekked?

Hubby: Yea, you'd make lots of money, we'd be rich!

Sissy: Rich? Where am I going to work, a strip club for blind men?

Hubby: Now there is an ingenius business idea!

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, March 28, 2005

Rain + Monday + Me = Raspberries!

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Especially when it is a rainy monday. Even more so when it is a rainy Monday and the day after the 1st holiday I have spent with out my son for the past 18.5 years. How freaking depressing is that? Pretty dam if you ask me. To put the frosting on the cake I did not get to speak with him either. Total suckage!

I know this is part of life and part of children growing up and blah, blah, blah! I know all these things, some how it doesn't make it easier. I feel sad and depressed today. A family member said boy you must be psyched one less kid in the house, or something to that affect, yesterday. My first response was to gouge at his juggular vain, with the ferocity of a mother wolf protecting her baby. Thank goodness I got ahold of myself before that happened. Could you see the headlines? "Woman upset because son has moved away, breaks down and mutilates family member at Easter Dinner" Instead I just said, it's not as easy as you may think dude, and walked away before my wolf-like instincts got away from me.

Maybe I am just a mamby-pamby candy ass, behind this bitchy facade. Whatever the case may be, I am a sad bitch today.

Happy Sucky Rainy Monday!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Luv Meegan

After reading Shelibells story about how she forgot to play tooth fairy one night when K-dawg had a freshly lost tooth under her pillow, (I know how it feels I have done it myself), I happened to come across this item.

"After leaving her tooth under her pillow, Meegan went to sleep. The next morning, she looked under her pillow and her little tooth was still there. She was a bit upset and asked her mother why the tooth fairy had not come. Her mother replyed, I am not sure, maybe she just had too many teeth to pick up last night. We'll try again tonight ok? Meegan accepted this answer and that night placed her tooth under her pillow again. When her mother gently took the tooth from under the pillow, there was a piece of paper wrapped around it, with her little girls hand writing on it. It read:

"Der Tooth Fary. Pleze leve me yor majik wand. I can help. I want to be
a tooth Fary to. Luv Meegan."

(From the book, Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul")

Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

TAG! I'm it

Part-timer tagged me with this: (watch out cuz I will be tagging someone too, actually 3 someones!)

1. What book would I like to be?
Hmmm, I don't know, too many choices. I think I would like to be some kind of book to make people laugh. I know an autobiography of my life, that would make people laugh!
2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Well, kinda, I currently have a crush on Doug Heffernen from King of Queens. I don't even know his real name so I guess its the character I have a crush on.
3. What is the last book I bought?
Find Me by Rosie O'Donnell
4. What is the last book I read?
Find Me by RoRo
5. What book am I currently reading?
Do magazines count? I am not reading a book right now but I am reading 2 magazines, Health and Weight Watchers. (I am sensing a theme here)
6. What 5 books would I take with me if I were stranded on a desert island?
"How to Build Your Own Robinson Curusoe Tree House", "Cooking with Coconuts", "Surviving on an Island For Dummies", "Wild Animals as Pets" and "Making Clothes from Palm Fronds"
7. What 3 people am I going to tag with these questions and why?
I am going to tag Shelli of course. And the two bloggers that are farthest away from me in geographical terms. Kristine and Muse.

Thank you PartTimer, this was fun!

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Thank You

I just wanted to say Thank you to my bestest of best friends Shelli.

I read this post Trust and Courage and it made me think of her. I would trust her to guide me blindfolded down a mountain. She is a true friend!

I can tell her anything. Bad or good she does not judge.
I can call her to talk or not talk, she is there to listen.
I can count on her to drop everything if I need a favor.
I can make plans and then break them just because I feel like staying in bed, with out getting in trouble.
She is as crazy if not more-so than I am, and she makes me laugh!
She is the only one I can get in trouble with at the movies and embarrass hubbychong with out it leading to a divorce!
I respect her for her strength.

It's nice to know someone's gotcha back! Don't worry sista, I got yours too!

Thank you Shelibells for being my friend!

Thankful Tuesday!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Kids are CRAZEE

Bam-Bam and I were looking thru a memory box this past weekend. All the things belong to his older brother, things I have saved through out the years. Special school papers and report cards, I even have his kindergarten diploma!

I pulled out a little zip-loc with a loc of hair in it. I said awwe, look its Ra-ra's tail! (When he was 5 the style was a short boys haircut and a small "tail" in the back) Bam-bam turned to me with an absolutely horrified look on his face. He said, "My brother was born with a tail on his butt?"

I about split my pants laughing!

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

This riddle really is killing my brain! Someone please help me! Honestly I have been reading it for 3 days now, and have not been able to figure it out. What is the answer?

The Riddle that Will Kill Your Brain!

There are three words in the English language that end in "gry".
ONE is angry and the other is hungry.
EveryONE knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for.
EveryONE uses them everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word.

Come on ya'all help a sista out.

PS> After I wrote that up there ^^, I searched and found this! Try to figure it out before you click, it will be more interesting!

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Sissy's Not So Excellent Adventure

Well yesterday I promised you an update on my weekend.

This was the weekend, I loaded all my son's belongings into my car and drove him 200 hundred miles and dropped him off. We were supposed to go on Friday night, but the weather man promised miserable driving conditions, so I post-poned the trip until Sunday. You have no idea how much I had to pay the weather man to broadcast miserable driving conditions, but it was worth it.

Saturday rolled around and my son was getting antsy to leave. The weather did not happen the way the weather man had said it would so, at 4:30 pm, we decided to leave.

This is the part where I am supposed to tell you all that I am an Indian Road Trip Giver. You see, I invited Sheli to take the trip with me on Sunday. But then I dissed her, and decided to go on Saturday. So, yes, I admit it, I am a Indian Giver of Road Trips. What a bitch!


The first stop was to my son's girlfriend's mother's house, so she could say goodbye. Yes, she decided to move with him. Yes, this is the same woman who just got out of the clink. The next part of the story I am going to tell with my thoughts in italics and my actual words in bold.

We get there and the jail bird mother comes outside. I had not met her yet. I extend my hand to introduce myself, she ignores my hand, the conversation went like this:

JailBird: {{crying and talking loud}} ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?

Sissy: Well,I don't know if it is or not but I know they can have a this point she cuts me off.........


Sissy: Well you shoulda kept your drug addicted ass out of jail then! I can tell you that if there is anything wrong I can get to them in 3 hours, if that makes you feel any better.


Sissy: Your own dam fault, not mine. this point I get cut off again and JailBird turns to my son


Daughterof hers: MA, stop that!

SonofMine: {{kerplunk}} sound of jaw hitting ground

Sissy: Don't you dare talk to my son like that you stupid bitch. If anything happens to my son, I am coming after your ASS and it ain't gonna be pretty! I really don't think it is necessary for you to talk to my son like that, he is a good boy and cares about your daughter.

Nothing more is said. She turns to her male friend and buries her face in his chest and cries and sobs, while he guides her into the house.

But I am ripping! As she walks away I am looking at her, trying to stop myself from jumping on her and pulling all of her ugly-ass hair out of her ugly-ass head. Hubbychong, sees the look in my eyes, and suggests we hit the road.

Can you beleive that shit? I can not! No class, jailbird-ass bitch!

Next we hit the highway. The drive was slow and long. It took 4 hours instead of 3 because the highway was a mess. We saw at least 3 cars that had spun off the road. Two were SUV's. They apparently did not have the driving skilz of Sissychong!

We got there at 10 pm. oh wait, I tried the new Tendercrisp bacon cheddar raaaanch! Then we got there at 10 pm.

I took the kids to the grocery store, yes, at that time of night. Bought them a week or so's worth of food. I put the new sheets on there bed, helped them unpack a bit. I kissed and hugged them both and told them both, either of them to call me if they needed me. (See I am nice like that, even though I officially dis-like her mother I will not take it out on her). And we left. It took another 4 hours to get home. It sucked, really, really bad, the drive that is. We made it back to Casa del Chong at 4:30 in the freakin morning. Needless to say I was in bed all day on Sunday. Suckage!

So, my son is looking for a job, he likes it there so far. All is well. I call him everynight to see if he is crying yet. You know because he misses me so much, but he is doing a good job of keeping his composure, unlike me. I don't let him know I cry, I don't want to hold him back.

I call him everynight. I can not help myself, I need to hear the sound of his voice. He sounds like such a man on the phone now, cooking his own supper and doing dishes, talking about walking to the laundry mat and cleaning the house. times, it hurts so much to be a parent, doesn't it? This leaving home business was not in the owners manual I got when I brought my kid home from the hospital. Unless that was the part he drooled on, that I could not read.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, March 14, 2005

The Purse that Brought Me Happiness

I did something nice yesterday. And I feel good about it. I'm not tooting my own horn or asking for praise or anything like that, but it feels good!

I was grocery shopping at a store that shall remain nameless. I figured I would stop and shop for groceries before the work week started.

I was looking for cookies for the kids. (ah-hemm) There on the shelf was a purse. A generic Coach bag. I was shocked to say the least. I picked up the purse, my first thought was, oh my god I hope this wasn't purse snatched and now my prints are on it. My second thought was of the time I lost my purse. I took it to the service desk. While I was waiting, because the clerk was with a customer, another store clerk walked switfly past me with a look on her face that said she meant business. Then behind me I heard a girl crying, and she said, I don't know what happened to it.

I turned around and asked if she had lost a purse. She gasped and shook her head. I handed her, the purse and she and the store clerk thanked me. She was a young girl. Maybe 20-ish with a baby.

And that was that, I went on my way to finish my shopping.

Happy Monday!

PS. Tomorrow I will tell you about my week end trip!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Sissy Gone Crazy

Yesterday, I had that whole Brat-zilla post done, and then the internet ate it. Being the bitch that I am, I rebelled against the internet and refused to retype. I sure taught that dam internet a lesson didn't I? So this morning being th candy ass that I am, I retyped it. I posted it. And then the internet spit in my face. And what it spit was yesterday's post! Talk about regurgitation. I guess the internet can rebel better than I. You win internet, are you satisfied?

Today is LH-Day, Leaving Home Day. My son, the man-boy, is moving out today. Not only out but away. Far away. Two hundred miles away. It seems like a thousand to me. The house already seems emptier. He has packed up all his stuff, and the boys room looks like, well, it looks like only one boy resides there. One lonely boy and his bunny. One lonely little boy with out his big brother to help him along.

I can not believe he is moving out. I mean I know its time. My brain knows its time. But my heart is still changing his diapers. I am having seperation anxiety. I told him that last night. He said, awwe, don't be sad Mum, with a smirk on his face and he hugged me. It makes me feel a little better knowing that if I leave my house at breakfast I can be with him by lunch. Very little.

My first little chickadee leaving the nest and I am having a nervous breakdown over it. I don't think I can handle this 3 more times. I have to put my foot down now.

That's it. You three, yes you, Aly-cat, Bam-Bam and Lil-Diva, you are forbidden to grow up any more. I hope he is happy, your older brother has ruined it for all of you. You may NEVER grow up. You may NEVER leave home. I am sorry, really I am, this hurts me more than it hurts you, but it's for my own good! Someday, you will understand.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Return of Brat-Zilla

My two daughters share a room. They are 15 and 6. Let's call them Aly-cat and Lil Diva respectively. You would think the age difference would pretty much elimenate fighting. I mean it's not like they are two teenage girls sharing a room. Which, probably, would make my hair stand straight up and turn grey simaltaneoulsy. There is nine years between them, so one would think that the oldest would be mature enough to stear clear of any bickering with the little one. The problem here is not the maturity of the older one. The problem is that my 6 year old has a 13 year olds mind. This means that I have a 15 year old and a mini-13 year old in the same room.

Lil diva has a stubborn personality, and she absolutely flabergasts Aly-cat, when they bicker. On one such occasion, when they were bickering, Aly-cat was so frustrated, she blurted, "Ya know what Lil Diva, you are a "BRAT-ZILLA"! Well this sent Brat-z.....I mean Lil Diva into a rage. I lectured Aly-cat: no name calling, work out the problems, compromise, and all that jazz. All the while trying to stifle my own laughter.

This morning I suffered the wrath of Brat-zilla. She must have woken up on the wrong side of Japan or something. Her gaze alone was enough to set my hair on fire.

If this is a sign of things to come when this child hits puberty, I am running away from home in 7 years!

Happy Thrusday!

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Don't Let The Cell Door Hit You In the Ass on the Way Out

My son's girlfriend's mother is getting out of jail today.

I can honestly say I am a bit nervous about meeting her. I hope she doesn't shank me or some shit. No seriously, I don't have anything against her because she was in jail. I do have a small hair across my ass because she was talking to my son a few days ago and told him he better take care of her daughter. Umm excuse me, aren't YOU the one in jail, should YOU be maybe taking care of your daughter? But Whatever. And the "you better" what the hell is that supposed to mean? You better or else? Or else what BEYOTCH?

What do you say to some one you barely know, who was just released from prison?

Hi, nice to meet you, did you have a nice stay?

Hi nice to meet you, welcome home?

Hi nice to meet you, so what were ya in for?

I just know I will be tripping over my tongue.

I hope she doesn't make me her bitch.

Happy Jail bird Wednesday

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Mr. Sanchez, I Have a Question

OK peeps, I have a question.

I have heard this phrase/word a number of times and do not know what it means. I have asked the only two people I would EVER ask this type of question, and neither knows. I am not sure I really want to know, because I surmise it is sexually oriented, but the curiosity is killing me. Killing me to the point where I may have to ask the next stranger that I hear say it what it means and then suffer public humiliation. I fear the side splitting laughter. They would probably laugh so hard that they would never answer my question.

I would be forced to spend the rest of my life roaming the streets asking various people, over and over again never getting an answer. Or standing on the curb of a busy intersection holding a sign, That says, Can anyone tell me what Sanchez means?" until the police arrest me for holding a profane sign in public or some such crap.

So thats it. Sanchez also known as Dirty Sanchez.

OK go ahead laugh, get it all done with now. Sure go ahead, laugh at my ignorance, its ok, I am used to it.

{{{{drumming fingers}}}} Ok done now? Feel better? GREAT! Now define please!

Happy (Ignorant) Tuesday!

Monday, March 07, 2005

Out of his Mother's Clutches

Thank you all for your support and well wishes for Scott, Mattea and Hannah. You have renewed my faith in the human spirit. It amazes me how we (bloggers/journalers) have so much compassion for one another even though in some cases we are thousands of miles apart and have never met. Amazing.

Speaking of compassion and caring ya'all had some very good ideas on how to handle the situation with my son. Before hubbychong and I had a chance to talk to him and lay down the law, he and his gf decided they wanted to move into an apartment in MAINE. This apartment is being rented right now by a family member, but said family member is moving as of April 1st.

I really hope they are serious about this. It is a very sweet siuation. Utilities are included in the rent and the place is completely furnished. And the rent is cheap. All they have to do is get jobs. If they both work full time then they will have no problem affording the rent and food and still having some money in their pockets. I am excited for them.

On the other hand, I am a mother and I have never experienced a child moving away from home. If I let myself really think about it I have wicked anxiety over it. My baby, my son, he is leaving, will he wash his clothes right? Does he even know how to operate a washing machine? (shuddup, of course he does) Will he be able to cook for himself or will he eat frozen pizzas and hot pockets for the rest of his life? I know its all silly, but at the same time real. I worry about how his siblings will miss him, although they don't seem to be worried. I guess I just worry too much.

I am trying very hard to keep my hands out of the situation except for morale support. He has to come up with the deposit for the apartment. I am sure I could finagle a way to help him out with that BUT, that would just be defeating the purpose of him learning responsibility. Once again I would be just handing him something he did not work for. Not good.

I hope this is the beginning of something great for him. We'll see!

13 days until Spring!

Happy Monday!

Friday, March 04, 2005

In One Moment Everything Could Be Gone

Something horrible has happened. My brother in law and sister in law and neice ( 2 yrs. old) lost everything they had last night. There was a fire in their apartment house. My brother in law had gone to the store, leaving his wife and daughter home. When he returned he saw flames in one of the upper story apartments and the roof. He ran in the house and was able to get his wife and daughter out of the burning house, and out of harms way. He somehow fell and broke a rib or two in the process, but other than that they are physically ok. Besides being completely water logged, the house collapsed in on itself, crushing anything that may have been able to be salvaged.

Everything is gone but what they had on their backs when they ran out of the house. What a devastating feeling that must be. Wedding photos...... gone. Baby photos ....gone. They have nothing, no place to live, no clothes, no nothing.

Of course we are all greatful that they are ok and material possesions can be replaced. I just feel so sad for them. So helpless.

They lived in Cedar Lake, Indiana, so if anyone in that area has an apartment to rent for a wonderful family, please contact me via email.

Also, I am setting up a donation button on my site to try to help them. If you are able to donate I will send you a Sissychong pen and put you on my list of Sissy's Angels. Every penny will be donated to them.

I am also selling some stamps on Ebay and the proceeds will go to them as well. If you know any stamp collectors or Elvis fans, maybe they would like to bid?

Please send your good Karma and well wishes to this family.

Happy Friday!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Tough Love or Tough Shit?

I need some opinions people. I have a situation and I am having a hard time being impartial about it because it involves my first born.

He is 18 and a 1/2.
He does not have a job. (He has had jobs but nothing steady)
He resides at Casa de Chong.

He has made some bad decisions.
He has gotten in trouble with "da-man"a while back. (The last time he got arrested I refused to bail him out)
He periodically gets into fights with various people. (Neighbors, girlfriends, strangers)

All of this brings much frustration, aggravation, anguish and conflict to Casa de Chong.

Hubbychong has had it. I am at my wits end. We have talked and talked and talked to him.

It is tough love time. I type this with a heavy heart. You know when your parents punished you as a kid and they would say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you"? Well its true. It does hurt. It is hurting.

Hubbychong wants him out of the house. I can not kick him out. He is my son. In my eyes, I should stand by him and help him thru the bad times. (Although I have been doing that and it has not worked).SOMETHING does need to be done, but I don't think kicking the kid out of the house is the answer. I feel that will only make things worse. On the other hand, I can not take the stress or drama anymore. My other 3 children should not have to see or live with this. I could not live with myself if I thru him out on the street. Am I wrong? Should my heart be hard? Should I say, you made your bed, now get the hell out of the house?

I plan to propose some sort of compromise, that Hubbbychong and I can agree upon.

This is where my readers come in. I am looking for opinions and ideas. I would love to hear from a parent(s) who has gone through this sort of situation, what they did, how it turned out, etc. And even those of you with younger children or no children, maybe you had a sibling or cousin or neighbor-kid, how was their situation handled? OR if you have been thru it yourself that would be cool too.

Please, your comments and ideas may just save my hearts life!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Blonds Do The Thilliest Things!

I have a story:

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady, rhythmic pace, but she begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck, but is unsuccessful.

The horse gallops along, unaware of the slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grasp, she attemps to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves.

Her head is struck against the ground over and over again, she is moments away from unconsciousness, when to her great fortune, Frank, the Wal-mart greeter sees her and unplugs the horse!

Got to love the Wal-mart greeters! I bet he stuck smiley faces all over her lacerations!

HA! I hope you didn't spray coffee all over your monitor. If so.... I am terribly sorry. (NOT)

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I went to Maine and All I got Was This Stupid Lug Nut

I went to Maine last week. I know, what a bitch! I didn't even tell you. I should be flogged.

We went to look at homes for rent. Hubbychong wants to move. Sometimes I do too. Sometimes I don't. Right now I don't.

One house in particular was very nice. It was situated on the side of a mountain, but also only 20 minutes from town. And cheap? Oh my gosh, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 3/4 of an acre of land and only 650.00 per month!

We were driving back to town and we were hungry. Being the good Mommychong that I am, I had packed a lunch. We pulled into a parking lot to eat. And we were all talking and marveling at the home we saw and blah, blah, blah. Everything was wonderful!

We went to leave, and we were sucked into a time continuum, which was the negative mirror image of the world we had been in. I heard music (do-do, doo-doo) "You are entering the twilight zone". Or was that the cript keepers laugh I heard? I don't know it happened so fast.

We had a flat. No problem, Hubbychong can put the donut on, except that the lugz were too tight. So we called triple you know what, No problem someone will come in 30 minutes, except they didn't. So we call again, No problem they are five minutes away, except it took 20 more minutes for them to reach us.

Aaaaaah finally, a big man gets out of a truck. He, being a mechanic, certainly can unstick the lugz with some W-D 40, except he doesn't. He jumps on the tire iron connected to the lug and breaks the fuckin thing off! He bends over to survey the damage and his hairy hillbilly ass falls out of his pants, traumatizing my children, and sending my son into a screaming, running around the parking lot fit! Then.........then he gets in his truck to leave?! Or so I thought, so I yelled, "Hey you are just going to leave us sitting here with a broken lug?" No, he was going to tow us to a repair station. But he could only take the car, not the 4 of us. That's right, 200 miles away from home, he handed me a piece of paper with the address of the garage and we watched our car drive off on the back of a ramp truck being driven by a hairy assed suspender challenged man, we did not know.

We can take a cab to the garage, no problem, except we are in the valley and the cell phone won't work. We can use a pay phone, No problem. The town we were in had one cab. ONE freakin cab. It took an hour to get there. By then we were the 4 most ornary people that parking lot had ever seen, we were cold and tired and carless and did I say COLD?

We pile into the cab, and I give the address to the caterpillar eyebrowed cabbie where upon he informs me that So & So's Garage is not on that street. Visions of my car being stripped for parts, 5 or 6 hairy asses all around it working furiously, in some makeshift hillbilly garage, fly thru my mind. I mean my car is number 673 on the list of most stolen vehicles, I bet he broke that lug on purpose. After several tense minutes of me breathing into a paper bag, my car was found at So & So's Garage on ANOTHER street. The caterpillar cabbie took us on a white knuckle tour of the town and dropped us at So & So's.

Three hours and One-hundred and seventy-two dollars later and we were on the road again. I saved the broken lug, after all I paid enough for it!
This negative experience has made me rethink my position on moving. If I do move, I am starting a taxi service in THAT town.

19 Days until Spring!