Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I went to Maine and All I got Was This Stupid Lug Nut

I went to Maine last week. I know, what a bitch! I didn't even tell you. I should be flogged.

We went to look at homes for rent. Hubbychong wants to move. Sometimes I do too. Sometimes I don't. Right now I don't.

One house in particular was very nice. It was situated on the side of a mountain, but also only 20 minutes from town. And cheap? Oh my gosh, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, 3/4 of an acre of land and only 650.00 per month!

We were driving back to town and we were hungry. Being the good Mommychong that I am, I had packed a lunch. We pulled into a parking lot to eat. And we were all talking and marveling at the home we saw and blah, blah, blah. Everything was wonderful!

We went to leave, and we were sucked into a time continuum, which was the negative mirror image of the world we had been in. I heard music (do-do, doo-doo) "You are entering the twilight zone". Or was that the cript keepers laugh I heard? I don't know it happened so fast.

We had a flat. No problem, Hubbychong can put the donut on, except that the lugz were too tight. So we called triple you know what, No problem someone will come in 30 minutes, except they didn't. So we call again, No problem they are five minutes away, except it took 20 more minutes for them to reach us.

Aaaaaah finally, a big man gets out of a truck. He, being a mechanic, certainly can unstick the lugz with some W-D 40, except he doesn't. He jumps on the tire iron connected to the lug and breaks the fuckin thing off! He bends over to survey the damage and his hairy hillbilly ass falls out of his pants, traumatizing my children, and sending my son into a screaming, running around the parking lot fit! Then.........then he gets in his truck to leave?! Or so I thought, so I yelled, "Hey you are just going to leave us sitting here with a broken lug?" No, he was going to tow us to a repair station. But he could only take the car, not the 4 of us. That's right, 200 miles away from home, he handed me a piece of paper with the address of the garage and we watched our car drive off on the back of a ramp truck being driven by a hairy assed suspender challenged man, we did not know.

We can take a cab to the garage, no problem, except we are in the valley and the cell phone won't work. We can use a pay phone, No problem. The town we were in had one cab. ONE freakin cab. It took an hour to get there. By then we were the 4 most ornary people that parking lot had ever seen, we were cold and tired and carless and did I say COLD?

We pile into the cab, and I give the address to the caterpillar eyebrowed cabbie where upon he informs me that So & So's Garage is not on that street. Visions of my car being stripped for parts, 5 or 6 hairy asses all around it working furiously, in some makeshift hillbilly garage, fly thru my mind. I mean my car is number 673 on the list of most stolen vehicles, I bet he broke that lug on purpose. After several tense minutes of me breathing into a paper bag, my car was found at So & So's Garage on ANOTHER street. The caterpillar cabbie took us on a white knuckle tour of the town and dropped us at So & So's.

Three hours and One-hundred and seventy-two dollars later and we were on the road again. I saved the broken lug, after all I paid enough for it!
This negative experience has made me rethink my position on moving. If I do move, I am starting a taxi service in THAT town.

19 Days until Spring!

3 Comments:

Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Holy mother of GAWD...What a fucking story that was. Are you kidding me..that is like a Jim Carey movie or something. You poor thing. Damn, glad you are back though. I was beginning to worry about you!

9:07 PM  
Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

Holy shit I would have poitched a fit. He broke he can pay for it. Better at LEAST give me a discount!! But, I'm like that. LOL

10:57 AM  
Blogger Cece said...

"Visions of my car being stripped for parts, 5 or 6 hairy asses all around it working furiously, in some makeshift hillbilly garage, fly thru my mind."

That has got to be one of the funniest fucking lines I have ever read...

10:02 PM  

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