Thursday, March 31, 2005

Reason # 5,672,893 Why I Want to Move to Maine

I can laugh now, I think, well no damn it I am still mad. But I will tell the tale anyhow, at least someone can laugh at it.

Hubby has the car today. I sent him on an errand to drop off some stuff for me. I call him on the cell phone. He is just pulling up to "Nancy's" house to make the drop. (No it wasn't drugs, dam it)

Sissy: Hi babe, where you at?

Hubby: Just pulling up to Nancy's

Sissy: Great

Hubby: Oh shit!

Sissy: What? Whats the matter?

Hubby: There is a prostitute coming up to the car!

Sissy: Give her the fucking phone, I'll fuck that bitch up!

Prostitute: Do you live here?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Get the fuck away from my husband you stupid bitch! {{talking}} At least hold the dam phone up so she can hear me!

Prostitute: Are you picking me up?

Hubby: No

Sissy: {{yelling into the phone}} Picking you up?? You skank ass hoe, I'll fucking get you a pick up, bitch.....they'll be picking your ass up off the sidewalk with a shovel!

Prostitute: grumble, grumble, asshole, grumble

Sissy: {{Still yelling various things into the phone}}

Hubby: Alright STOP, she is gone.

Sissy: Well tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning, we are going there, and I am going be in the back seat, and when you park I am going to jump out and beat the fuck out of her!

Hubby: Do you really want to be arrested?

Sissy: I don't give a shit, proposition my dam husband will she! What is she going to do, call the cops on me?

Hubby: Maybe

Sissy: What is she gonna tell them? I will say yes, I beat the shit out of her, she propositioned my husband, soliciting prostitution even, do you think they will feel sorry for her?

Hubby: You're right, probably not. Just try to calm down before you pop a blood vessel or something.

Sissy: Ok {{calming down}} I can not beleive the shit that happens in my life.

Hubby: Just, ummm, try to be calm.

Sissy: Ok........ I am calm...........

Hubby: Ok, call me later.

And we hang up.

At this point I am thinking I really hope my boss doesn't have any surveilence cameras around the office that I am unaware of. Can you picture me at my desk, yelling profanities into the phone? Well probably not since you don't know what I look like, but picture a mad woman, with smoke coming out of her ears......yea, there ya go, thats what I looked like.

Then the phone rings....

Hubby: Umm Hun?

Sissy: Yea {{still a little pissed}}

Hubby: I hate to tell you this

Sissy: What NOW?

Hubby: {{cringing}} When I was in high school, I dated that prostitute.

Sissy: WTF? Are you fucking kidding me?

Hubby: No, I thought she looked familiar.

Sissy: Well, I am glad to see that your taste in woman has improved!

Hubby: Yes, why yes it has!

Not only are the prostitutes running wild in my city, they are looking up lost loves! They are using marketing strategies to try to boost business. Has everything in this world gone high tech? Just another reason why I want to move to a mountain top in Maine...........with a shotgun!


Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

That is the funniest shit I have read in a long, long time. Maybe she'd like to join you in the business venture of starting a strip joint for the blind. (PS - I'm pretty sure you should name the place "See No Evil.")

8:31 PM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...


4:48 AM  
Blogger Sissychong said...

Charlotte: Gee I think I will ask her. When she recovers, lol, no just kidding, I love the name See No Evil, HA!

Kristine: Depends girl!

9:13 AM  
Blogger Mrs.Strizzay said...

I did picture you doing that and it was funny. I imagined your arms flailing about and your legs kicking up on occasion.

12:15 PM  

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