Thursday, October 27, 2005

Have I made the Right Decision?

I have a problem with second guessing myself. I guess it boils down to not trusting my decision making skills. I could get all psychological and blame it on my childhood or my parent(s), but I blame enough on them already.

Two members of my family have commented, behind my back (bitches) that they can not believe I left (abandoned) my 16 year old in Massachusetts to finish high school. "She'll be pregnant in a year!", they said.

This really bummed me out. I have looked up to one of these family members all of my life. I am very disappointed in her. Not to mention hurt.

Allowing my daughter to finish high school in Massachusetts, was a difficult and heart wrenching decision. One that took a lot of thought. I weighed the facts and made the best decision for my daughter. Some people don't see it that way. I mean in my eyes as long as the situation is not going to cause the child harm, isn't happiness the important thing?

My daughter is a good kid. Not a troubled teen. She does well in school and I have never had to stand over her and MAKE her do well. She strives to do well on her own. She has never come home high or drunk. Not to say she hasn't experimented. She and I have talked about drugs and she admitted she had tried weed, she said she wasn't interested in doing that. She has never gotten into trouble with the law. Never been suspended from school, never gotten into a fight. NOTHING.

She has a boyfriend that is older than her. He was/is a friend of my son, so I have known him for years. I just could not see taking her away from her friends and boyfriend in her junior year of high school. I tried to think back to when I was 16, and how it would have felt to be dropped into a totally different place geographically at that time in my life. It would have ripped me apart.

She knows that she is responsible for her own body. In other words she can not rely on another person for protection. We have talked about this many times, before I even decided to move to Maine. We have also talked about how hard it is and how your life changes when you have an unexpected baby. She says she doesn't want kids. Maybe that will change when she is older maybe not.

She knows there are rules and criteria that must be met in order for her to stay in Massachusetts. She must continue to do well in school and she must continue to be responsible and stay out of trouble. And she knows that I will be there in 6 hours to take her to Maine if she messes up!

When we first moved here I used to say, "be bad" instead of "be good" at the end of our phone conversations. Yah know, so I could have a reason to insist she move to Maine. She thought this was hilarious. She weould say nevaaa!

We talk on the phone often. Almost everyday. She even called me one morning when she wasn't feeling well to see if it would be ok to stay home from school!

You see, I am still very involved in her life. I have not abandoned her as some may think. On top of that she is living with the only person I would trust with my child, Shellibells.

I guess I am trying to justify my actions and decisions, I dunno, I jusy wish this person would not judge; she really doesn't have the facts. Then again, I have noticed in recent years that she judges everyone, I guess it's just my turn!

I am torn between writing her a letter to let her know how I feel or just brushing it under the rug. What do you think?

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

How To Avoid Fucking Yourself in One Easy Step
by Sissy B. Bummin

When you move and your phone number changes; call your old number to make sure it actually has been shut off. If you don't the new slime ball tenants (probably relatives of Skanky Frankie the slumlord), may use your service and run up a big-ass freakin' bill!

Friday, October 21, 2005

So anyway......

I look over at my daughter, Cassidy, and she is licking the cat. Yes, peeps I said licking the fucking cat.

In my bestest of best mommy voice I say, "Cassie, why are you licking the cat?"
She says, "Because I wanted to kiss her like she kisses me."

The logic of a child!


Happy Friday from the Western Mountains of Maine!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Feelin' Shitty Wit Da Nitty Gritty!

I really feel like shit right now. I hurt someone's feelings. Someone I don't even know, but I know I hurt her feelings. She wouldn't look me in the eye...that's how I know.

I waited on an English couple for lunch the other day. They were very nice and I loved their accents. I don't remember what he had for lunch, but she had a crab salad sandwich on a baguette. We chit chatted off and on while I was serving them. When they were done eating as I took their plates, she asked me to tell the chef that her sandwich had been absolutely looveely (insert English accent here). So I did. When I told the chef there were a few others standing around, everyone laughed out loud at what I said....you see I mimicked the English accent. When I say they laughed I mean they laughed......loud. I immediately knew that the couple where in hearing distance of this. I felt so bad. I even tried to convince myself that they couldn't have possibly heard. But I knew, as soon as I walked back out on the floor they had. The smile was gone from her face, and she wouldn't look at me.

I swear I didn't mean to be hurtful and I wasn't making fun of her accent. I wish I had, had the balls to apologize to her. She must think americans are bumbling idiots.

UGH!

Happy Fucking Tuesday!