Thursday, October 27, 2005

Have I made the Right Decision?

I have a problem with second guessing myself. I guess it boils down to not trusting my decision making skills. I could get all psychological and blame it on my childhood or my parent(s), but I blame enough on them already.

Two members of my family have commented, behind my back (bitches) that they can not believe I left (abandoned) my 16 year old in Massachusetts to finish high school. "She'll be pregnant in a year!", they said.

This really bummed me out. I have looked up to one of these family members all of my life. I am very disappointed in her. Not to mention hurt.

Allowing my daughter to finish high school in Massachusetts, was a difficult and heart wrenching decision. One that took a lot of thought. I weighed the facts and made the best decision for my daughter. Some people don't see it that way. I mean in my eyes as long as the situation is not going to cause the child harm, isn't happiness the important thing?

My daughter is a good kid. Not a troubled teen. She does well in school and I have never had to stand over her and MAKE her do well. She strives to do well on her own. She has never come home high or drunk. Not to say she hasn't experimented. She and I have talked about drugs and she admitted she had tried weed, she said she wasn't interested in doing that. She has never gotten into trouble with the law. Never been suspended from school, never gotten into a fight. NOTHING.

She has a boyfriend that is older than her. He was/is a friend of my son, so I have known him for years. I just could not see taking her away from her friends and boyfriend in her junior year of high school. I tried to think back to when I was 16, and how it would have felt to be dropped into a totally different place geographically at that time in my life. It would have ripped me apart.

She knows that she is responsible for her own body. In other words she can not rely on another person for protection. We have talked about this many times, before I even decided to move to Maine. We have also talked about how hard it is and how your life changes when you have an unexpected baby. She says she doesn't want kids. Maybe that will change when she is older maybe not.

She knows there are rules and criteria that must be met in order for her to stay in Massachusetts. She must continue to do well in school and she must continue to be responsible and stay out of trouble. And she knows that I will be there in 6 hours to take her to Maine if she messes up!

When we first moved here I used to say, "be bad" instead of "be good" at the end of our phone conversations. Yah know, so I could have a reason to insist she move to Maine. She thought this was hilarious. She weould say nevaaa!

We talk on the phone often. Almost everyday. She even called me one morning when she wasn't feeling well to see if it would be ok to stay home from school!

You see, I am still very involved in her life. I have not abandoned her as some may think. On top of that she is living with the only person I would trust with my child, Shellibells.

I guess I am trying to justify my actions and decisions, I dunno, I jusy wish this person would not judge; she really doesn't have the facts. Then again, I have noticed in recent years that she judges everyone, I guess it's just my turn!

I am torn between writing her a letter to let her know how I feel or just brushing it under the rug. What do you think?


Blogger shellibells said...

sniffle, i feel indescribable word here) lol. so sweet.

a letter is perfect. may not matter to her, she may not respond, or pretend it does matter, but at least it will make you feel better. :) good luck.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Sissy are doing the total right thing. Do you know it would have ripped her life apart if you would have made her move. Holy shit! I was in a similar situation when I started high school. My mom who had custody of me decided to get married and move to Memphis which is 300 miles away. I was devastated at the thought of going with her and leaving all my friends etc. Luckily she let me stay with my Dad and I did fine and made it thru. I am so glad I did not leave with her and even though she was heart broken about leaving me she knew I would be miserable there with her.
It will all work out. She is a good girl, much better than I was I am sure!
Shelli is one hell of a gal!

10:22 AM  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

It sounds like you already know what the right thing to do is...just follow your heart.

3:10 PM  
Blogger shellibells said...

damn you slacker!!! off with your head!

12:19 AM  
Blogger muse said...

You made the right decision, this will be much better for your girl. I had to move with my parents in April of my 6th year (elementary... the school year ends in June) so you can imagine how well I fit in during those last 3 months, just before entering junior high... (let's just stay I stood out quite a bit, in a school where everyone knew each other for years). It was horrible. I wish I'd had the option to finish at my old school, and start anew in junior high instead of already being branded as the "new kid that didn't fit in". You care so much about your family's well-being, it really shows!

10:22 AM  

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