Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Aching To Go Home

I am aching to go home today, but I am not sure where that is anymore. I am lost. I feel like running toward a place where I feel safe. To a place where I know people support me, and are there for me. A place where I feel loved and respected. Today was a bad day. Bad and hurtful things happened today. They say home is where the heart is. I have many "hearts" in Massachusetts. In Massachusetts I can go for a short ride and get a coffee, sit in the parking lot and watch happy people go by, and pretend I am one of them. Not here. In Massachusetts I can call Shelli and say, "Hey I am coming over" and be there in 10 minutes. In Massachusetts I can flop on her couch and she can make me laugh and because I am laughing I won't cry. But then again I am a cry baby, so maybe I will. But that would be ok too. I have so many thoughts in my head, it just plain hurts. Not like a pounding, headachey kind of hurt, kind of like a hang over, my head weighs a hundred pounds kind of hurt. I smoked a damn cigarette today, to calm my nerves. It didn't. Just made me sick and gave me ash tray mouth ... BLAK ..... nasty. I think I have brushed and gargled 15 times and still ....BLAK, I need an altoid...probably don't have those here either. Two more days of work and I get a day off, I can not wait to be able to stay in bed. The best part is that I won't have to put on a happy face and be pleasant with people, while I am withering inside. Withering sucks! I will keep my fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day. You too!

4 Comments:

Blogger shellibells said...

*sigh* Girl, I just don't get how you come to my blog and give me sound advice, then I come over here and you're all torn up. Ugh!
I hope I helped you out today, you seemed to laugh, even for just a few minutes. You seemed better the second time, more pulled together. You are right, your heart is here, but you did what you thought was best for you by moving, and that was no necessarily a bad thing, maybe just bad timing. I hope you work things out even if it means you are staying there. LOL. I do want you to come home. You know I am always here for you...no.matter.what. I owe you a few "come pick me up I need to talk's". LOL. I know you will be fine. Call me if you need me and keep your head up. Just remember that after your kids, YOU come first. *hugs*

8:28 PM  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Hugs.
I hope you have a better day everyday.
Be good to yourself.
Take care of yourself.

9:23 PM  
Blogger muse said...

"Two more days of work and I get a day off, I can not wait to be able to stay in bed"

I was just thinking this very same thing before I decided to go look at my online pal's blogs before going to bed, sort of playing with the idea of calling in sick tomorrow (I won't).

Sissy, I don't know what to say to make things better, but if I did, trust me, I would. You're one courageous woman, so committed to your family, to your sister/friend Shelli... you have a huge heart. You deserve all the love and the support in the world!

So I'll just send you a big virtual hug, and tell you that I'm thinking about you. :)

11:25 PM  
Blogger Hippo said...

Hey, I didn't think you lived way the hell up there in Rangely. I thought you were in the Saco Region. Hell, your in Stephen King novel seed territory.

I hope you make it out alive.

Wishing you the best, eat a potato or fir branch for moi.

Dr H.O. Potamus - Sometimes Southern Maine Traveler.

12:37 PM  

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